The Stepford Christian - My Very Brief Encounter

The Stepford Christian - My Very Brief Encounter - Why you shouldn't try to mold yourself after people but after Christ
It's only fair to share...Share on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponBuffer this page


The Stepford Christian - My Very Brief Encounter - Why you shouldn't try to mold yourself after people but after Christ

The Stepford Christian….it was me..and it lasted all of 5 minutes.  My experience in trying to be the perfect Christian woman!

Every day is a struggle for me.  It is a tug of war with who I am and who I want to be.  Every day I get up and I purpose that I will be different today.  I WANT to be different today.  It’s not my actions that I struggle with…it is my mouth.  It is my attitude.  It is my demeanor.

The Stepford was me..and it lasted all of 5 minutes. Click To Tweet
You see, I am a genuinely nice, caring person.  I am a funny person!  I love making people laugh!  My husband is hilarious!  He should have been a comedian.  He is loved by everyone who meets him!  Together, we laugh…A LOT!  I love real belly laughs and I love making people laugh that way!

But on the flipside, I am a New Yorker who was raised around very loud, opinionated women.   I come from a strong,  Jewish grandmother…and there’s a Jewish saying “Ask 2 Jews, get 3 opinions”!  I lived my life speaking my mind and never backing down from an argument.  I have a natural aversion to injustice.  I am very bothered by the twisting of truth, by divisiveness, by the stirring up of strife, by whining and complaining.  It grates on my last nerve and I, in the natural, being one that cannot hide my feelings, have a hard time letting it go.
My desire…at the very core of my being…is to be that soft-spoken, meek (and when I say meek I don’t mean weak…I mean gentle and quiet) and prayerful woman.  I long to be that woman who can see a divisive post on Facebook and, rather than get upset about it or desire to comment on it and SET THEM STRAIGHT…she just prays for them.  I desire to be that person that can watch the news and not get all worked up by what I see.  Or to be that woman who does not watch at all.  To be that person that isn’t driven to debate.  I just simply desire to be SWEET!

I pray for this daily!  I PLEAD for this daily.  Every morning I step out of bed and say today I WILL be quiet, and peaceful and only speak that which is uplifting and positive.  To be the person who, when I see someone on Facebook spreading fake news or spewing hateful things, just prays for them rather than get worked up.  And then it goes out the window about as fast as my feet hit the floor.  You see, when I got saved, my old woman was put to death…but it appears that every day, several times a day, she has a resurrection!! It’s almost as if the more I desire to change, the more the old woman comes out!!  I can’t control it.

I struggle like Paul.

“For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin.  For what I am doing, I do not understand.  For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do.” Romans 7:14-15 (NKJV)

The Stepford Christian - My Very Brief Encounter - Why you shouldn't try to mold yourself after people but after Christ

Am I going to go through life being someone who can get worked up in a heartbeat when I see something on the news that annoys me?  Why can’t I just BE DIFFERENT???

Yeah..I literally just this second yelled at the TV.  As I am writing this I yelled at the TV!!!  Seriously!!  Ugh!!

Every morning I pray about this.  Why?  Why can’t I change?  Why is it that no matter how much I pray to be the way  other Christian women are, I just fail the minute my feet hit the floor??  I want to not be affected by the opinions of those around me, I want to be the wife and mother who is loving and soft spoken and submissive!  I want to be that soft space for my husband to land at the end of the day when he has had to deal with stress all day.  I want to be the wife that exudes Christ in me!!  I have a wonderful, happy marriage full of laughter…we rarely ever argue.. but I want this nonetheless!!  And yet….I fail.

And even as I am failing, even as I am doing it, it is in my head…be soft spoken, don’t talk politics because politics is a hot topic and will get you going!  My husband is a former politician so it is a hot topic in our house.  And he will come home and I will tell him about something I saw on the news and next thing you know we are discussing politics for an hour.  Not.What.I.Want!  I want our time spent together to be on higher things and not on worldly things.

But I am a loud, brash New Yorker.  It is at the very core of my being.  How do you change something that is just WHO YOU ARE!!??

Oh…but God…..

I went to Him in prayer today and told Him how I struggle.  I told Him AGAIN what I want my personality to be like…I was specific after all!!  I had a list!!

And yet He showed me something….He showed me I was praying for Him to change me but I wasn’t leaving it up to Him HOW to change me.  I was asking Him to make me like other people rather than make me what HE wanted me to be.  He showed me that He knew what He was getting when He got me.  I was no surprise to Him.  It’s not like someone presented me to Him and He looked and was like…”Oh…Ooookay…what am I supposed to do with this??”

He knew my personality when He called me to my ministry.  He also knew that my struggles and my fight would help others feel like they are not lost causes!!

 Christians are not all perfect!! 

He showed me that I am just a loud mouth like Peter!!  My story shows people that Christians are REAL people with REAL struggles and REAL issues!!  Yeah…I HAVE ISSUES!!    I have more issues than Better Homes and Gardens!!

Yeah…I HAVE ISSUES!! I have more issues than Better Homes and Gardens!! Click To Tweet

So did Paul.  And God showed me that He is pleased with me because, like Paul, I have the WILL to do good.  My heart is set on Him.  I DESIRE to do what is right.  My spirit chooses what is right but my flesh…it battles me day and night.  Like Paul….


“I thank God – through Jesus Christ our Lord!  So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.” Romans 7:25 (NKJV)


I have been relying on my own flesh to change.  I am somehow believing that if I TRY hard enough I can BE different.  No!!  I am who I am!  I am not a Stepford Christian…there is no perfect Christian!!  My attempt at being one lasts all of 5 minutes…if that!!  I shouldn’t be TRYING to fit some image in my mind of what I think a Christian woman should look like.  I should simply ask God to make me into the woman HE wants me to be..not the woman I think I should be based on this picture in my head of, as Joyce Meyer says, “Sister Super Christian!”

I am not a Stepford Christian! Click To Tweet

What if I have been praying all wrong?  I’ve been praying for Him to make me like other people rather than asking Him to make me more Christ-like.  Wow…reality check!!  Christ is my goal…not the women in church, not the other bloggers I am friends with, not my pastor’s wife…Christ!   I had the right motive but the wrong goal and the wrong prayer.  My desire should always be to be more like Christ…not more like other women.

Christ is my goal…not the women in church, not the other bloggers I am friends with, not my pastor’s… Click To Tweet

So, starting now, my prayer changes.  Instead of presenting God with a list of qualities I think I want..that Stepford Christian that, in reality just doesn’t exist…I will simply ask Him to mold me into the woman HE wants me to be and the wife HE wants me to be…and to show my home and out of it…Jesus IN me.

Worth Beyond Rubies

Diane Ferreira, owner of Worth Beyond Rubies and Live 31, is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a mean for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to  We are not compensated in any way for reviews of any products on the site – for more information, please see our Disclosure page

Faithbox - Embrace Your Faith Today!
Click on book to order your copy!

It's only fair to share...Share on FacebookPin on PinterestTweet about this on TwitterShare on StumbleUponBuffer this page
0 I like it
0 I don't like it


  1. This is an awesome post! I think that this is something every Christian goes through at some point (maybe not with being outspoken, but a struggle of some kind.) I used to think there was something wrong with me because no else seemed to go through what I was going through; no one else seemed to struggle with their old selves every day like I did. It took me longer than I care to admit to realize that others were struggling too they just chose to ignore it and pretend everything is fine and dandy. Eventually God helped me to put my life in His hands and start seeking to be like Christ instead of seeking to be like the "perfect" Christians around me.

    • I think more people struggle with this than care to admit it. We all sometimes feel like we are somehow spiritually deficient if we don't appear to be like everyone else. The more we share our experiences, the more we realize...we are actually normal! LOL Thanks for commenting!

  2. This is really good! It's so easy to want to completely change ourselves into a completely different person, but if God wanted that other person to accomplish some specific purpose, He'd have called them. Yet He calls us. The imperfect Christian in a land of imperfect Christians. I love how He molds us and shapes us into His image and that process looks different for all of us. Thank you for the reminder that while none of us are perfect, we all have purpose.

    • Thank you Erin and you're exactly right..if God had wanted someone else He would have called them!! He doesn't necessarily want someone capable, he wants someone moldable!!

  3. Oh I do love your blogs! Thanks, I had a smile on my face all the way through reading. God takes who we are, refines those qualities, mounds us like clay ???? Awesome!

    • Thank you so much Francesca!! Your comments are always a blessing!

  4. I just love this post! It's one of my favorites by you so far. I can truly relate and know that every day I need to ask for Jesus. Without Him I fail. Plain and simple. Even a day spent in prayer and in His word can still end up in failure on my part. My flesh is so weak. But we keep running that race. We'll only achieve perfection when we are united with Christ in Heaven. I wouldn't do life any other way.

    • I think it's great that we can all encourage each other because it helps us realize...we are not alone! We all go through it..we all feel at times like everyone else MUST be doing great and yet I can't do it....but the truth is we all have that struggle. Thank you so much for your comments and your support. You are such a blessing!

  5. I love this post! I have noticed myself also looking at other believing women and wonder how they do it. They always look like they are in so much peace and here I am struggling. But we all have our struggles! We're all walking through things in different seasons which the Lord will always be able to use. It's his loving sanctification! Thank you for this post! I also am praying to be more like Christ and Christ alone :)

    • Isn't it funny how we all seem to think everyone else has it all together only to find out we all fall into comparison? Thanks so much for commenting!