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Ok, ladies, let me let you in on a secret to keep the marriage spark alive: Never stop dating your husband.
Wait. What? But, we are already married! Yep, and that is why you should never stop dating. Ok, Sue, you are going to have to explain this one.
When you start seeing someone or have your first date you do all of the little things to put your best foot forward – to look your best, say the right things and prioritize spending time together. Maybe you have a pet name for each other.
As time goes on, we tend to be so wrapped up in the minutia of everyday life that the rituals of dating, fall by the wayside.
Dating your husband simply means that you continue to put your relationship first. You talk with your husband the way you did when you were dating – with words that build up and not tear down.
It means that you take the time to look your best for him, just as you did when he was coming to pick you up for a date.
It means that you carve out time in your schedule to focus on only each other.
Taking Care of How You Look
When you first met, you took care to wear the right outfit, do your hair just so, and wear makeup to look good for him, but as time went on, it became easier to forget about the makeup, pull your hair up into a ponytail and pull on your sweats.
That look is fine for cleaning the house or doing yard work, but does your husband ever wonder what happened to the stylish girl he married?
I’ll be the first to admit that I got a bit lazy with this. I work from home and used to just roll out of bed, grab my coffee, and head to the office. My husband would get home from work, and I would still be in my pajamas. He said he didn’t mind it, but every now and again, he would say something to let me know, subtly, that he noticed I wasn’t making much of an effort anymore.
Now, I get up and go straight into the shower and dress. It makes a huge difference in how I look and feel when my beloved gets home from work. He has noticed it, too, and he appreciates it. (There are still some days that I don’t, but generally, I strive to do this daily).
Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m sure that your husband loves you just the way you are – messy bun, no makeup and all. That is a beautiful thing – some men prefer the natural look. What I am saying here is that you should put the same effort into how you look for your husband as you did when you were dating.
A few extra minutes to put on a clean shirt and maybe a coat of mascara will reap the rewards. He will notice – even if he doesn’t say anything and he will appreciate it.
Consider swapping sweatpants or leggings for jeans.
Try flip-flops instead of slippers.
Add a bit of mascara and lip gloss rather than barefaced.
What did you use to do when you were dating? What does your husband like?
Words of Affirmation
When we are newly dating, we also tend to compliment and encourage our sweetheart more often than we do as the married months and years roll on.
Looking back on when you started dating your husband, did you say more nice things than you do now? Did you tell him how much you missed him when you were apart?
Did you share all of the reasons that you thought he was so special?
What about now? Do your words build him up and edify him, or do they sound more like nagging and lists of things to do?
As the responsibilities of managing a home, raising kids, running errands, and everything else that goes with adulting take over, do you find that you and your husband talk more transactionally now than when you were dating?
How wonderful it is to hear words that affirm you are loved, appreciated, and the object of your loved one’s affection!
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
Proverbs 16:24 (ESV)
Make a conscious effort to praise and appreciate your husband for something every single day – be it how hard he works for the family or the great job he did mowing the lawn. Words of affirmation may just be his love language and may mean more than a freshly baked cake to your hubby.
Talk With Each Other
When was the last time you talked with your husband? I mean really talked. Not just about what to have for dinner or who is going to pick up your son from soccer practice. I mean, talked about your hopes, dreams, fears, and interests.
When we started dating our spouse, we were so interested in them! We wanted to know everything. What made them “tick”? What they enjoyed doing or what dreams they had.
We couldn’t wait to hear about their favorite color, food, or vacation place. We wanted more.
Communication is an area that many couples struggle with and is often cited as the most common reason for divorce. It doesn’t have to be this way! Communication can be the difference between a healthy marriage and a struggling one.
At the end of each day, ask your husband how his day was, what went well, what he is fearful about, and what he’s grateful for. Ask him to tell you a story about his childhood.
Open the door to deeper discussion and deeper connection.
Date Nights
So much to do and so little time! The house, work, and kid’s activities – how the heck can I fit in a weekly date night with my husband? My question for you is: how can you afford not to?
Time invested in your spouse, and your marriage will generate huge dividends in the long run. Time for the two of you to reconnect and talk. Time to laugh alongside one another. Time to enjoy a shared hobby or interest. It almost doesn’t matter what you do – as long as you do it. Be it a weekly or monthly date night, or even a lunch date, it is one of the keys to a healthy relationship.
regular date nights with your husband help to foster the four types of intimacy:
Shared experiences – A fairly recent study of over one thousand married couples in the USA cited that having shared hobbies is one of the keys to a happy marriage. Activities that you do together allow you to build a memory bank of shared experiences. They bond you together. Even negative experiences can do this, but happy ones will build upon your relationship. It doesn’t matter what you do, but that you can use the opportunity to interact with each other and have that shared experience. Even walks at local parks or a dinner date would be a great start.
Spiritual intimacy – This is one of the most important forms of intimacy for a Christian couple.
Spiritual intimacy is the mutual commitment to God and His purpose for our marriage and our lives. It is sharing your faith and placing God at the center of your marriage. Faith is incredibly personal, but having someone to share it with, bonds you in a way that nothing else can match.
Physical Intimacy – I am not just talking about sex here. I am talking about being close to one another, holding hands, touch. Physical intimacy connects the skin to the heart. It is comfort, and closeness, and yes, it can fan the flames of desire, but it doesn’t always lead to sex.
His left hand is under my head, and his right hand embraces me!
Song of Solomon 2:6 (ESV)
Emotional Intimacy – This form of intimacy is when you peel back the curtain to your heart and let your spouse in. It is being vulnerable and sharing what is on your heart. It is letting your husband know what keeps you up at night, what desires your heart has, and what you hope for your future. This is one of the truest forms of intimacy. Sex without emotional intimacy is just a physical act, but when you are emotionally intimate with your spouse, your connection transcends.
Date nights with your spouse build on all four types of intimacy. Simply going mini-golfing is a shared experience, allowing you to talk to each other, hold hands and even pray together. Regular dates are what you make of them.
Don’t go into it with the perspective of checking off an item on your to-do list.
Make the effort to ensure that you are covering all four types of intimacy.
A date night can be weekly if you are in a season of life that allows that (and you have a responsible, reliable babysitter if your kids are young), or it can be every other week.
A date night can be dinner, bowling, or a walk in the park. It can be visiting a museum or street festival, or it can be much simpler than that: a quiet night at home.
This isn’t just for couples with kids at home. Couples who are empty nesters seem to struggle with this one just as much. They think, “It’s just the two of us; we are alone every night together,” but when you are home alone, are you spending time investing in your marriage? Are you doing things together? Are you talking with each other? Are you laughing with each other? What you do doesn’t have to be fancy or take a lot of planning, just leave ample time from life and your work schedules to spend time together doing simple things.
When a couple sets aside time to be alone on a regular basis, studies show that how happy they are, how positive their communication is, and how satisfying their sex life is increased threefold over those who do not.
By dating your husband, you can dramatically increase the success and stability of your marriage!
Choose one a week (you can alternate in-home and night out if you wish) and enjoy dating your husband, again!
Just click on the images for a downloadable PDF of great date night ideas – there’s one for out of the home and one for at home!
When we were planning our weddings, we probably thought of how wonderful it will be to have regular sexual relations with our husbands.
We dreamed of passion and playfulness. We probably didn’t dream of being too tired or too apathetic for sex.
God created sex to be a way that is set apart for married couples to enjoy each other and bond together. (Of course, for procreation, too, but we will save that for another time).
When married couples find their greatest pleasure in each other, through intimacy, they are affirming their bond.
I find that when things start to feel off with my husband and me or we are getting on each other’s nerves more often, it’s when we haven’t been intimate with each other for a little while.
Sexual intimacy, between a husband and wife, is critical for a deeper connection.
Now, wait a minute, I thought this article was about how to date your husband. I didn’t have sex before marriage!
Well, yes. That is true, but we probably did kiss each other, hold hands, and enjoy other forms of physical intimacy that did not include sex.
However, God blessed married couples with the gift of sex and, and one of the greatest ways to fan the flames of marriage is through physical intimacy.
They weren’t always the dates, the stolen kisses, and the heartfelt talks for hours on the phone.
Rather, they were the moments that we showed the other we were thinking of them.
They were the links to songs on YouTube that my husband sent me. I remember waking up one morning to a Facebook message with the song “Good Morning, Beautiful.” My heart melted, and I’m pretty sure that may have been when I fell for him.
They were little videos he sent me of him mowing the lawn or walking in the woods on a camping trip and telling me that he missed me.
They were the 100 hearts that I punched out and hung in my house when he came to visit – one for each day that we had been dating, and each one had written on it a reason that I loved him.
They were short but heart-melting love letters, too.
These little gestures remind your husband that he is still special to you and that you are thinking of him.
What did you do or say when you were first dating that you no longer do? What can you change today to start dating your husband again?
How do you feel about the importance of dating your spouse?
I think this is a great idea for young couples needing a break from the routine of work, household responsibilities and raising a busy family life entails. BUT what about retirees, those married over 50 years?
Hi, Lynn – I’m not sure I understand. My husband and I are an older couple. Our children are grown and we have grandchildren. We still actively try to “date” each other through word and deed. Dating doesn’t have to stop no matter your age. My in-laws are in their upper 70’s and still date each other. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by!
Hi, Jodi! That’s so much fun – working on a common goal together! My hubby and I do our best day dreaming while in the car – either way – it’s quality time that is so important. Thanks for stopping by!
I love the idea about bath with the glow sticks. I just purchased a number of them on sale. I’m sure our husbands will appreciate the little things we do for them. We have to show them we appreciate them or someone else will. Little becomes much when you place it into the Master’s hand. Show him!
I often find that when I am intentional about using words of affirmation, emotional intimacy comes easier. That is one thing that helps me continue dating my husband in every season – even with littles 😉
This hit home for me. I really needed to hear this today. I know dating your husband is so important, but we really slack on the date night. I don’t think we knew how much it was affecting our marriage until we did it for the first time in three years. Thanks for the extra encouragement to pick that back up. 🙂
I find that women usually are the ones that keep themselves looking good. It’s the men that don’t. I wonder if there are articles like this for husbands… ?
Hi, Frank – I have not written one geared toward husbands but I believe that all of the things mentioned in my article would apply for men, as well. Re-read the post and let me know if you have any questions. I will be lifting you and your bride in prayer!
I think this is a great idea for young couples needing a break from the routine of work, household responsibilities and raising a busy family life entails. BUT what about retirees, those married over 50 years?
Hi, Lynn – I’m not sure I understand. My husband and I are an older couple. Our children are grown and we have grandchildren. We still actively try to “date” each other through word and deed. Dating doesn’t have to stop no matter your age. My in-laws are in their upper 70’s and still date each other. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by!
My ABSOLUTE favorite is doing a home improvement project together! I love accomplishing things so it kills two birds with one stone for me!
But If we can’t afford to take on afford to take on a big project, sometimes we just walk through home stores and daydream! Also great!
Hi, Jodi! That’s so much fun – working on a common goal together! My hubby and I do our best day dreaming while in the car – either way – it’s quality time that is so important. Thanks for stopping by!
I love the idea about bath with the glow sticks. I just purchased a number of them on sale. I’m sure our husbands will appreciate the little things we do for them. We have to show them we appreciate them or someone else will. Little becomes much when you place it into the Master’s hand. Show him!
I often find that when I am intentional about using words of affirmation, emotional intimacy comes easier. That is one thing that helps me continue dating my husband in every season – even with littles 😉
This hit home for me. I really needed to hear this today. I know dating your husband is so important, but we really slack on the date night. I don’t think we knew how much it was affecting our marriage until we did it for the first time in three years. Thanks for the extra encouragement to pick that back up. 🙂
Awww..I’m glad it connected with you. Plan that date night! I can’t wait to hear about it 🙂
I find that women usually are the ones that keep themselves looking good. It’s the men that don’t. I wonder if there are articles like this for husbands… ?
Excellent message. Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙂
Is there a similar article for husbands on how to date your wife. We’ve been married just shy of 45 years and the zip-zing has fizzled out.
Hi, Frank – I have not written one geared toward husbands but I believe that all of the things mentioned in my article would apply for men, as well. Re-read the post and let me know if you have any questions. I will be lifting you and your bride in prayer!