Feeling Betrayed by a Friend - A woman with her hand on her head looking sad

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Experiencing betrayal in our lives is unfortunate but sadly it is going to happen. It is especially difficult for us when we are feeling betrayed by a friend. Throughout life, there are always going to be people who disappoint us, let us down, and betray our trust. It hurts, especially when it is someone we care about. Sometimes it is something small that we can easily overcome and move on and at other times the betrayal can be so deep and severe that we wonder if we will ever get past the hurt. So how do you deal with feeling betrayed by a friend and how do you accept that forgiveness is for you, not just them?

Feeling Betrayed by a Friend - Forgiveness is for you! - A woman with her hand on her head looking sadThis page/post may contain affiliate links.  As an Amazon Associate, as well as an affiliate of other programs, this means if you purchase something using these links, I will receive a commission on qualifying purchases at no cost to you! For more detailed information, please visit our Affiliate Disclaimer page

 

Feeling Betrayed by a Friend – Be Honest 

When feeling betrayed by a friend, honesty is the best policy!

It is quite possible that your friend isn’t even aware of the hurt they caused you! Speaking with your friend and clearing the air is always better than letting hurt fester until there’s an explosion of anger and hurt.

Speak in love! Don’t go getting up in their face and being confrontational. That doesn’t solve anything.

The Bible tells us in Proverbs 15:1:

“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” NKJV

Matthew 18:15 says:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.” ESV

Also, don’t take it to Facebook, don’t talk about the issue with other friends (avoid gossip)! None of this solves the issue and just gives you a forum to complain and can cause more pain. The Bible is clear on resolving conflict when it says to go and tell them what they did that hurt you and if they listen, you preserved a friendship.

But what if they don’t? What if they get upset or angry or refuse to stop doing what they did to hurt you?


 

Feeling Betrayed by a Friend – Forgiveness

If your friend won’t listen to you, the Bible goes on in Matthew 18 to tell us to then take it to the church. So perhaps speak to your pastor and see what they advise you to do or seek a brother or sister who can help mediate between you.

But what is you exhaust ALL efforts to reconcile the relationship? It may be time to move on!

You need to take the time to heal and part of that healing is forgiveness.

When feeling betrayed by a friend, forgiving the person who causes you pain may seem impossible, especially when the hurt is so fresh. But forgiveness is for your benefit, not theirs.


Not Forgiving Causes You More Hurt

The longer you hold on to anger and un-forgiveness, the more you are going to keep reliving it over and over and over and the more you do this, the angrier you get and the more hurt you feel.

You will continue to go over conversations in your head and wonder if you could have done this or said that.

It is a vicious cycle that keeps playing out in your life.

You may say ‘but I don’t feel like I can forgive them!’ You may not feel it but make a conscious DECISION to forgive.  The feelings will come later.

Forgiveness does not mean you have to continue in relationship with that person if it is not healthy.


It could be a friend who has betrayed you so badly that you just don’t see any way you can trust them again. Maybe it is not the first time that person has betrayed you and you just can’t continue a close friendship with them.

It could be that you just need to let that person go from your life and that is ok!  You can forgive them and let them go if there is no willingness on their part to reconcile.

You can love them and forgive them and not hang out with them. Forgiveness does not require you to continue to be a victim to someone who chooses to cause hurt.

It does not mean you ‘accept’ what they did and are saying it is ok. Forgiveness is not a place of weakness! It is a place of strength. Forgive even if they never apologize or admit any wrongdoing. Forgive for YOU, not for them!

 


Forgiveness is For Your Peace

If you fail to forgive and let it go the only person who is losing sleep at night is YOU!

You forgive so that YOU can have peace. You forgive so YOU can move on.

Ask God to help you to forgive if you don’t know how to do it. Ask God to help you move on.

Jesus Was Betrayed by Friends as Well

Jesus knows how we feel during these times. He Himself was betrayed by a friend, by someone whom he loved.

The Bible says in John 13:21 that Jesus was “…troubled in spirit….”, when He spoke about the fact that one of His friends would betray him.


He knew how it felt to have someone close to you turn against you, so He knows the pain you feel all too well. He was not only turned over and sold out by one of His closest friends, but he was also denied by another multiple times.  Peter denied even knowing him! So go to Him and ask Him to help you learn to forgive.

You may say “How can I forgive someone who doesn’t even feel like what they did was wrong??” Let God deal with the other person! Let Him do a work in them. It may be that they never feel they did anything wrong. But the condition of their spirit is not your concern. Pray for them and let God do the work in them.

So for your own sake, forgive and heal.

 



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Some other posts like “Feeling Betrayed by a Friend” you might enjoy: 

GOD INTENDED FOR GOOD – SHAKE IT OFF!

THE MIND IS THE BATTLEGROUND

LAMP UNTO MY FEET – HOW GOD’S WORD GUIDES OUR WALK

BIBLE VERSES TO ENCOURAGE YOU

COMPETITIVENESS AND RIVALRY – BE SET FREE (MILK AND HONEY FAITH)

 

Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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Feeling Betrayed by a Friend 2

My name is Diane and I am a wife and mom, a Jewish believer in Yeshua (Jesus) and yes, a blogger. I live in BEAUTIFUL Northwestern Connecticut and when I am not blogging, you will find me spending time with my husband and kiddos…or up in my craft room designing custom tumblers, making reading pillows or quilting! I am also an avid amateur genealogist and love researching my family history!

30 Thoughts on “Feeling Betrayed by a Friend”

  • Thank you for this wonderful advice, Diane. Not too long ago, I was betrayed by an older family member. I need to go back and read this post again for more insight into how to handle that situation. I should be guided by Jesus’ example.

    • I am sorry you went through that Laurie. I’ve been there a couple of times myself and it is not always easy to forgive and move on, especially when the person doesn’t even seem to feel they did anything wrong. I will be praying for you!

  • It’s such a comfort to remember that Jesus knows exactly how we feel when we face things like this. What a beautiful gift He gave us in this. And the fact that He didn’t *have* to do it, rather He *chose* to do it is beyond.

  • This one really resonates with me. I was hurt, betrayed, by what I thought was my best friend two years’ ago. I was honest and shared with her how I felt, but not before a couple of months had gone by. She didn’t take my honesty very well, but we are starting to heal the friendship. Girl, you are always reading what’s in my mind!

    • I went through the same thing. Sometimes being honest about how someone made you feel only sparks a defensive fire in them and they can’t see how they made you feel because they’re focused on defending themselves. But sometimes after time has passed so have those defensive feelings and healing can start. Thanks so much Sue!!

  • It is a deep wound anytime betrayal happens and you have laid out the best way to start the healing process. We may have to go back and keep repeating the step such as giving it to God and even the process of forgiveness but our Jehovah Rapha will continue to pour out His healing love and grace. He will bring healing and oftentimes we have new insight of wisdom for future situations.

  • Thanks for this lovely post Diane. So much truth here! Holding on to anger and/or bitterness only hurts the holder, never the intended target. Many times the one we are angry at or bitter toward doesn’t even have a clue! Pinned and tweeted. Thanks for linking up at instaEncouragements!

  • This is so helpful. I woke up this morning and one of the very first things I was confronted with was more betrayal from an already devastating situation. The “friend” is my mother. Comfort donuts helped but not as much as third post! Thank you for the reminders and the Truth you’ve given me today

    • I’m so glad you found it helpful!! God is amazing and always gives us what we need when we need it!!

  • I’m visiting from Maree’s Grace and Truth link-up. I especially like the point you made about forgiveness being a decision, not a feeling. We too often think we need to feel it first.

    • It’s so true. We sometimes feel like because we may still have some hurt and anger that we’re not able to forgive but we forgive first and then our feelings get in line later. I’m so glad you visited from grace and truth!

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