How to trust God when bad things happen - Having a stroke - A woman with her hand up to her head looking ill under a gray blanket

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I never felt “qualified” to write a post about how to trust God when bad things happen when it comes to health. Overall my health had always been good!  So while I did have some chronic pain issues from a spinal condition known as Spondylolisthesis, I never thought to really share about it since it was just a part of who I was and blogging about health didn’t seem to be in my wheelhouse. But having a stroke at 53 years old changes your perspective!

How to trust God when bad things happen - A woman with her hand up to her head looking ill under a gray blanketThis page/post may contain affiliate links.  As an Amazon Associate, as well as an affiliate of other programs, this means if you purchase something using these links, I will receive a commission on qualifying purchases at no cost to you! For more detailed information, please visit our Affiliate Disclaimer page

 

I Wanted – But God Had Other Plans

When I first started my blog I had a specific direction I wanted it to go in. Oh those words “I wanted”! How often do we try to get God to line up with our plans instead of the other way around? Too often in my case! I knew “I wanted” to blog about the Jewish roots of our faith, anxiety and fear, spiritual warfare and even homesteading! There was this vision in my head and it was going exactly as “I wanted”. I never dreamed I would ever blog about how to trust God when bad things happen regarding health problems in a million years, and yet here I am about to do just that! 

 


 

How to Trust God When Bad Things Happen – How it All Began

The morning of June 24, 2019 started like any other morning in our house. I got my kids up, we took care of our goats and our chickens and all our other animals and went about our day like we normally do. It just seemed like an average day.

The day soon turned into anything but average. Evening came and everything changed.

I guess it must’ve been early in the evening, probably around 7: 30 or 8:00 pm. I really don’t know what time it was but I went upstairs to my bedroom because I suddenly had a bad headache.

Normally I would’ve just taken Advil and pushed through it but I don’t even remember going upstairs. So something already wasn’t right.


 

Something’s Not Right

My 16 year old daughter came into my room and found me taking the pillows off my bed. I don’t know if y’all are like me but I LOVE my pillows and my bed is full of them, much to my husband’s dismay. So I was removing all these pillows and beginning to climb on top of my bed.

My daughter asked me what I was doing, because she doesn’t normally see me hopping into bed early in the evening, and I apparently answered that I had to get ready for work. She said “Mom you don’t go to work”.

I’m a blogger full-time so I basically work from home. I do work occasionally outside the home teaching blogging classes, but she knew I wasn’t doing those over the summer. But there I was telling her that I had to get ready to go to work. She asked me again and I gave her the same response, so from what I understand she came downstairs quite upset and got my husband.

She told him what I had been saying, which he immediately found odd and he went upstairs and try to talk to me but I just kept saying the same thing to him that I told her.

He was afraid and told me he was going to take me to the hospital. He asked me to get up and go with him or else he was going to call an ambulance, knowing I wouldn’t want to frighten the kids. All this was him hoping he could help me snap out of whatever was going on.


 

Moments of Clarity

During this time I was hearing some of what went on but I was sort of hearing it from a different place. There were times I could respond and there were times I couldn’t. But he finally managed to get me up and get me down the stairs to drive me to the hospital. He didn’t want to frighten the kids by calling an ambulance and at that time I was walking and talking on my own. In fact he said I came downstairs and I started giving the kids instructions.

I gave them the alarm code, I told them what to do and how to lock up everything. I had a moment or several moments of clarity where my brain actually kicked in to take care of my kids. And then I got in the car and was out again. Apparently on the drive to the hospital I told my husband I need to call my mother. My mother had passed away four years prior so by this point he was pretty upset.

Arriving at the ER

There are some things I remember about being at the ER but most of it was a blur for the next day. I was in and out of clarity I like to say, because I don’t think I ever lost consciousness. I just don’t remember much and people were working on me without me really waking up although I was aware of their presence. But I was definitely not awake!

The next day the doctor told me that I had a TIA or Transient Ischemic Attack which is a mini-stroke and a temporary blockage of blood flow to the brain but not enough to cause permanent damage to the brain. But he said he was going to admit me and send me for an MRI.


 

You Had a Stroke

They got me into a room and had my MRI scheduled for the next day. After the doctor consulted with the radiologist he came in and said the words I didn’t think I’d ever hear at my age; you had a stroke.

It was not a TIA. It was an actual ischemic stroke and I had a visible blood clot in my brain, along with brain tissue damage. The clot was in my left, frontal lobe so this explained why all my weakness was on my right side.

To make a very long story short, they did do a bunch of tests, including a spinal tap, to ensure it wasn’t something like Lyme Disease which can sometimes mimic a stroke. Everything came back negative and it just further confirmed his diagnosis.

Neurology came in to see me and it was the first time someone pointed toward Hormone Replacement Therapy as the potential culprit. They removed me from it immediately because I not only have a family history of strokes but high cholesterol.


 

How to Trust God When Bad Things Happen – My Life Has Changed – Medically

As I write this it has been 3 weeks and I have to say that everything has changed.

I cried a lot in the first days home. I cried with fear that I could have another stroke (repeat strokes do happen often). But I am on baby aspirin and the doctor and neurologist believe that we have eliminated the risk by removing me from the HRT.

I cried because I realize all the things that are no longer “normal”. I mess up words a lot. There’s difficulty finding words when speaking. I make a lot of mistakes when writing and my memory is just not good right now.

I have a speech therapist that is helping me with word finding and getting my cognitive functions back to normal.

Trusting God When Bad Things Happen – My Life Has Changed – Emotionally

It breaks a mother’s heart when, 4 days after you are discharged from the hospital, your 16 year old is at a sleepover and she texts you to ask you if you are going to die.

My heart just ached for this kid who apparently had this fear bottled up for some time.

She was afraid it would happen again and that I wouldn’t survive so I had to reassure her when I wasn’t even sure at the time myself.

I had to watch my husband fall asleep at 8pm because he was so exhausted after managing a young child, three teenage girls, and 13 animals on his own for nearly a week and then have to worry about me on top of it all.

I felt fear with every headache and every ache and pain.

More Issues

As if all this was not enough, I began to develop a skin condition known as Dyshidrosis while I was in the hospital. It is like eczema but it starts under the skin and is incredibly itchy and can end up looking a bit like psoriasis.

Mine got infected and I ended up at urgent care less than a week after being home and found I had a blood infection. My left ring and pinky fingers were in complete pain but at least I went and got treatment for it when I noticed the red lines moving up my arm, which was actually the blood infection moving through.

 

The Blessing of My Blogging Family and My Friends

I had so many people from the blogging community praying for me, messaging me with words of encouragement and I don’t believe I could have done it all without the support they showed me.

My friends from high school, new friends and acquaintances all rallied around me with prayers and encouragement.

Our local friends and friends from church were there for us! God heard our prayers and answered them because the one area my husband was struggling with was getting meals cooked for everyone each night. Dear friends took that task from him and I am so grateful to them all; those who visited, those who brought food, clothes and toys and those who prayed for us.

For those of you who are friends from church, for those of you who are bloggers, for those of you who are my friends and family and acquaintances, I want you to know how grateful I am for all you have done, all the love you showed me and Dave and the kids, and how much easier you made this time for us.


 

The Blessing of a Wonderful Husband and Children

Most of all there was my amazing husband who worked tirelessly keeping our home and kids together. He did it without complaint too.

He had to take care of a mini-farm full of animals and kids and do things he never had to do before when I was home! And he held it all together and was still there at the hospital for me!

My kids were unbelievable! Those girls stepped up and did whatever needed to be done without a single complaint.

I am so proud of all of them and so blessed to have had them there for me! They were so vital to my recovery!!

How to Trust God When Bad Things Happen – Prayer! 

God heard every prayer and wow, did He ever answer!

I am now 3 weeks post-stroke and I am actually writing in Hebrew, both in handwriting and print (getting those lessons ready for you all!)! My occupational therapist said he doesn’t think he needs to come back for much longer if I am writing from left to right AND right to left!

My speech therapist said I am scoring in the high 80’s and 90’s in my assessments, which is amazing 3 weeks afterwards!

And my neurologist and primary care doctor both have said I will make a full recovery! I will recover most if not all of my speech, memory and definitely my motor functions. I was blessed to have only experienced a little muscle weakness on my right side and no other physical issues. My dizziness and feeling like I am going to “black out” are normal parts of recovery and will not last.


 

Back to Life

I came home and almost immediately got back to life as usual with a few exceptions. I do need to make sure I give my brain a rest frequently because it is busy trying to create new pathways, but I began cooking and cleaning and taking care of my animals again. 

It is, for the most part, like nothing happened. It is only when I get stressed or overdo it mentally or physically that my brain reminds me…you had a stroke!

My doctor has told me to set “checkpoints” throughout the day where I check in with myself to see how I am feeling. When you feel good it is easy to overdo it and then have no reserves for if and when something unexpected comes up. So she said I need to set those checkpoints to see if I have already done too much and need to rest.

But that is amazing!!! My biggest worry right now is whether I have done too much!! It is not that I feel I cannot do enough and that, to me, is a miracle!

I will be back to about as close to 100% if not 100% as I can get! 

 


 

Purpose in Your Pain

I tell you all of this because when things like this happen we tend to ask “why”.

When I got the diagnosis I asked why and how and every other question! But I asked those questions medically, not from a place of faith.

I never once questioned why God let this happen. I knew the answer.

God worked an absolutely miraculous healing in me where even the therapists and doctors are amazed at the progress I have made and I believe He has done so in order to encourage others. 

I do not believe God “caused” this to happen. But while I believe God didn’t cause this, I DO believe He is using it to maybe encourage one person who needs to hear that God sees you in your pain. God sees you in your suffering and God wants to take that and use it!

God did not put you where you are! We all make choices or live with the choices of others. God didn’t force me to go on HRT, God didn’t force the drunk driver to hit your car and cause you those injuries, God didn’t force your loved one to smoke and get cancer. God does not cause us to suffer but He CAN and DOES use those hurts to help others. He does not want your pain to be in vain.

There is purpose in your pain!

God will give you beauty for ashes! He will show that He answers prayers! He will show you that He will never leave you or forsake you!

How to Trust God When Bad Things Happen – My Life Has Changed Spiritually…Forever

We can ask why all day long but the Bible says in Isaiah 45:9:

“Woe to him who strives with him who formed him, a pot among earthen pots! Does the clay say to him who forms it, ‘What are you making?’ or ‘Your work has no handles’? ESV

Sound harsh? Yeah maybe from our self-centered human standards that seem to permeate society today. But the truth is, we are merely God’s vessels and His creation. So who am I to ask God why He made me this way? The clay doesn’t question the potter and ask why he made it a certain way. Yet we always seem to want to contend with God about our pain or our suffering.

Instead of asking God “why”, we should be saying “Here am I, send me.”

Here I am in my pain! Where do you want to lead me in it?

I am here Lord in my illness! I am here after surviving having a stroke! Who do you want me to encourage? God, who needs to see my faith through it all? Who needs to know how to trust God when bad things happen?

Here I am in my disability! Who was just injured and needs to see that you love them and that your heart breaks to see the pain they are in?

 


 

Trusting God When Bad Things Happen – Here Am I, Send Me!

God did not put us here to serve ourselves! He did not put me here so I can think about my own comfort! He put me here to be the stone that cries out when there is silence, to be the testimony to the one who thinks God has abandoned them, to be the hug when someone feels forgotten!

I am clay in the hands of the potter, the gold being refined in the fire! I am here writing this whole blog post 3 weeks after having a stroke! If that is not a testament to God’s grace and mercy, I don’t know what is!!!

How to Trust God When Bad Things Happen – There’s Another in the Fire

The song Another in the Fire by Hillsong was played by the worship team at my church the first Sunday I returned to church after having a stroke. I already knew this song well and I immediately broke into tears the second I heard the music start.

Like Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego in the fiery furnace, there was another in the fire with me as I went through what I did. I felt it. I knew it.

 


 

When I laid in the room in the ER I wasn’t alone! When I went for my MRI, there was another there. 

I am crying like a baby right now as I type these words because I can remember the feeling of Jesus being right there with me as I was suffering a stroke. His hand was on my shoulder the whole time and I physically felt His presence.

There are lines in the song that say:

And I can see the light in the darkness
As the darkness bows to Him
I can hear the roar in the heavens
As the space between wears thin
I can feel the ground shake beneath us
As the prison walls cave in
Nothing stands between us
Nothing stands between us

THAT was what I felt that first 24 hours in the hospital. Nothing stood between us. I saw the light in the darkness and through my closed eyes that wouldn’t open the first hours in the ER I saw the darkness bow to Him! I saw it! And I felt it! My eyes would not stay open but I saw it all! I saw a battle being waged for me and the darkness that tried to take my mind, the darkness that tried to steal my blogging ministry by destroying the left frontal lobe of my brain, I saw it bow to Him! God wasn’t done with me!

Jesus in the Fire With Me

He carried me on His shoulders, just like the song by For King and Country! He never left me! And as people prayed for me, I felt Him even more!

That first 24 hours after having a stroke was not just a medical experience. No, far from it. It was a spiritual experience! Through closed eyes I saw spiritual warfare like I never have! I saw more with my eyes shut than I ever have with them open and I will never forget a second of it.

And I tell you, I am no one special! What He did for me, He WILL do for you! His presence there with me, He will be there for you too. 

 


 

How to Trust God When Bad Things Happen – God Has a Plan and Purpose

If you want to know how to trust God when bad things happen, you have to realize God has a plan and a purpose and He will never leave us or forsake us.

Deuteronomy 31:6:

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” NIV

My faith is multiplied after this! He was there! And He is there for you too! He is there in the fire with you!

Are you going through life wondering how to trust God when bad things happen? The fact that you are reading a blog post from me instead of an obituary is a miracle in itself! The fact that you are reading a blog post from me at all 3 weeks later, considering it was my left frontal lobe that was destroyed…that is just nothing short of God’s grace and mercy and miracle working power. He is there working in your life and in your situation and in your marriage, your health, your job…wherever you need Him!

Stroke Awareness

Strokes can happen to anyone! It is not just something that happens when you get old. There are many people of all ages who suffer strokes and it is important to be aware of the signs!

My hospital has a saying, “Time is brain!”. That means is as the stroke progresses, more tissue is lost. The more time that passes and the longs you wait, the more damage can be caused to the brain.

You should be aware of the signs of a stroke so you can help yourself or a loved one quickly! If you believe you or a loved one is having a stroke, look for the signs!

You can do that by remembering the acronym FAST! The THINK FAST stroke recognition method can save lives!

Wonder if You or a Loved One is Having a Stroke? Think Fast Stroke Recognition!

F – Face: Is the face drooping? Ask them to smile and see if the face seems symmetrical or if one side is drooping.

A – Arms: Ask the person to raise both arms out in front of them. Does one drift downward?

S- Speech: Ask them to repeat something simple. Does their speech seem slurred or just not right?

T – Time: If you see ANY of these symptoms (not all of them, ANY of them) call 911.

For more information on strokes, visit the National Stroke Association or the American Stroke Association, a division of the American Heart Association.

How to Trust God When Bad Things Happen - Featured on Grace & Truth

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Songs Referenced in How to Trust God When Bad Things Happen:

 

 
 

 
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WHERE IS GOD IN MY TRIALS?

PRAYING THE PROMISES OF GOD – ARABAH JOY

WHAT WE CAN LEARN ABOUT COURAGE AND FAITH FROM DEBORAH – WOMAN OF NOBLE CHARACTER

 

“Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

 

 

 

 

 

How to Trust God When Bad Things Happen 2

Diane is a wife and mom, a Jewish believer in Yeshua (Jesus) and yes, a blogger. In addition to owning Worth Beyond Rubies, she also co-owns other sites such as Faithful CEOs which helps Christian bloggers and businesses, Hot Flashy Faith which is a site for women over 40 and everything important to them, and Women of Worth Café another site for Christian women with Bible studies, devotions and the Jewish roots of the faith. Diane lives in BEAUTIFUL Northwestern Connecticut and when she is not blogging, you will find her spending time with her husband and kiddos out on their little mini-farm.

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    Anji Budzynski
    Guest

    Diane, I had a TIA last year on May 29, 2018, most like a result of a new HRT med. Most of what you have described I can related to. It took me the better part of this past year to get my brain back to “normal” and I still blank on words and phrases (or just make them up) when I get over tired. I have been in college for the past 3 1/2 years (I still have 1.5 yrs to go) trying to finish up my BS in Religion/Theology. The TIA was one of the best things to… Read more »

    Marva | SunSparkleShine
    Guest

    Dianne, I’m so glad you are well advanced in your recovery. Thank you for sharing your story to inspire us. We may not be able to relate exactly but we know that God is with us in whatever type of trials we face.
    Blessings to you as you continue to improve.

    adaughtersgiftoflove
    Guest

    So glad you are feeling better, no weapon will prosper against you.

    Jenna | Peaches & Prayer
    Guest

    Wow, what a journey! I love your perspective and faithfulness. How frightening… God is good. Thank you for sharing.

    aminatacoote
    Guest

    Oh, Diane, your testimony…that’s for reminding us how to trust God when bad things happen. Praise God for your recovery and what He will continue to do for you.

    AprilNelson25
    Guest
    AprilNelson25

    A beautiful story of God’s faithfulness in the storm! A beautiful story of community rallying around you to do their part to love on their sister in Christ! A beautiful story of a family that pulled together to do what needed to be done amongst the challenges their mom was facing which in turn they were facing. Diane, a beautiful story indeed!!

    Jennifer Cannon
    Guest

    As a fellow Christian blogger as well as a Chronic Illness blogger, I totally relate to your story. I pray for a strong faith in the bad health days. It is just harder on some days than others. Your story of faith inspite of this trial is such an inspiration to me,

    Anastasia Spark
    Guest
    Anastasia Spark

    WOW. What a story – I’m so glad that your recovery is progressing soundly. Thank goodness for God’s presence amidst the storms of our lives. Thank you for sharing this testimony. Love and blessings to you and your family!

    x
    Anastasia | MightyMemos.com

    Susan Nelson
    Guest

    My sweet friend! Just know that you are loved. I’ve said everything else to you in our chats. God is good. Thank you for this lesson from your difficult time. You will get through this even better than “good as new”!

    Jessie Synan
    Guest

    This was so beautifully written- I cried when reading this! I hate that you have gone through this but I love how you share this in a way we can all relate with. Been praying for you and your whole family ❤️

    Laurie
    Guest

    What a moving and powerful story, Diane! I did miss your blog but I had no idea why you were not blogging. God was with you when you had the stroke and He is with you now. Your recovery is remarkable! I cannot believe how well you write only 3 weeks post-stroke!. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I also have a family history of stroke and high cholesterol. I was supposed to go in for a blood test last week, but canceled the appointment. After reading your story, I am rescheduling immediately!

    karentfriday
    Guest

    Diane, thank you for sharing your story in such a vulnerable and honest way. I remember seeing the Facebook post for prayer and almost taken aback by your words of having had a stroke. It’s so beautiful how everyone pullled together and stepped up to help out and keep the family running while you were in the hospital and recovering at home. And, I agree, I don’t believe God causes bad things. Priscilla Shirer said in one of her Bible studies that God either orchestrates it or allows it. In His sovereignty and providence, He uses everything to somehow bring… Read more »

    Debra Jean
    Guest

    Powerful testimony Diane! First I am so glad that you are making an incredible recovery, that is a miracle story in itself. The spiritual growth through it is awesome! I love that you said, “Instead of asking God “why”, we should be saying “Here am I, send me. Here I am in my pain! Where do you want to lead me in it?” We do grow exponentially when we are in the fire with the Lord, and the faith that comes from those experiences will never leave us. God is doing great things in your life and He does work… Read more »

    Rebecca Hastings
    Guest

    Praising God as you look at all the blessings since that day! Praying He keeps showing you His fingerprints in all you went through and as you continue to improve!

    Patsy Burnette
    Guest

    Thank you Diane for documenting this all here in this beautiful post. I am still praying for your full recovery and no future events.

    Pinned & Tweeted.

    Thanks for linking up at InstaEncouragements!

    Maree Dee
    Guest

    Diane- – I had no idea this happened to you. I have been on a break. I am jumping up with joy that God didn’t take you home. Your post is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your experience, and most of all, your faith. Isn’t it amazing how well we see in the dark and how close God is to us? Blessings my friend. Maree.

    FYI- I am so glad you posted this on Grace and Truth.

    Erin
    Guest

    I have never had to deal with a stroke, but I do have a child who was born with a chronic illness. To say that it changed our lives would be an under statement. You are so right that we have to cling to community, prayer, and trust in God to make it through.

    Barbara Harper
    Guest

    Wow! What a scary time. So often through these situations none of us would choose, we know God’s presence more than ever. So glad for His love and care manifested for you through this.

    carlielake
    Guest

    Wow! Amen! And praise the Lord! So many points I can relate to here, Diane, even though my story is different! Thank you so much for sharing your story and reminding us that we are never alone in the darkness.

    breakingfreebyjesus
    Guest

    Your greatest miracle is spiritual sister but God can and does touch body , mind and spirit. I am a retired Pastor now 4 years. MY WIFE AND I minister in 3 nursing homes weekly in our town. Many of these folk are not too old and have had multiple illnesses, in their Christian Journey. When my wife was confined to bed with degenerative disc for disease I visited some, of these Christian Saints more. I think they pointed me to Jesus more than I did for them. Two years later she is back in ministry with me. The experience… Read more »