Dying to Self: Practical Steps for Living a Life of Self-Denial in Modern Times
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In a world that emphasizes self-promotion and self-fulfillment, the idea of dying to self can seem outdated or even confusing. Yet, for believers in Yeshua, this practice of self-denial is foundational to spiritual growth and transformation.
Dying to self isn’t about diminishing who we are; it’s about letting go of our self-centered ambitions to align more fully with God’s purpose and to serve others.
In this post, we’ll explore what it means to die to self, how to incorporate daily practices of self-denial, and how to experience the profound peace that comes from this surrender.
Be sure to download your free copy of our Dying to Self Bible Study and Reflection Questions with Worksheets at the end of this post! No sign up required!

What is Dying to Self?
Dying to self, or self-denial, is the process of setting aside our own desires, ambitions, and personal gain to pursue a life aligned with God’s will. It’s a spiritual discipline that calls us to let go of selfish inclinations and instead prioritize humility, service, and love for others.
In its essence, dying to self means living less for our own comfort or recognition and more for God’s purposes and the well-being of those around us. Rather than being about self-neglect or passivity, it’s a deliberate choice to adopt the character and mindset of Yeshua, who exemplified ultimate humility and self-sacrifice.
Through self-denial, we find a profound inner freedom, as we release our need for control and trust in God’s wisdom and provision.
What the Bible Says About Dying to Self
In Galatians 2:20, Paul speaks directly to this concept, saying:
“I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.”
nasb
This verse captures the essence of dying to self—not erasing our identity, but placing our trust in God’s love and direction over our own plans.
Yeshua also called His followers to self-denial in Luke 9:23, saying:
“If anyone wants to follow Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross every day, and follow Me.”
tlv
This call to self-denial is echoed in the principles of Mussar, a Jewish practice that I have studied for several years that helps us refine our character, including the development of middot (character traits) like humility, patience, and self-restraint.
Let’s look at some more Bible verses about dying to self!
Bible Verses About Dying to Self
“I urge you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice—holy, acceptable to God—which is your spiritual service. Do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Romans 12:1-2 tlv
“Now those who belong to Messiah have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.”
Galatians 5:24 tlv
“Do nothing out of selfishness or conceit, but with humility consider others as more important than yourselves, looking out not only for your own interests but also for the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:3-4 tlv
“For you have died, and your life is hidden with Messiah in God.”
Colossians 3:3 tlv
“Then Yeshua said to His disciples, ‘If anyone wants to follow Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.'”
Matthew 16:24-25 tlv
“Amen, amen I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it produces much fruit. He who loves his life will lose it, and the one who hates his life in this world will keep it forever.”
John 12:24-25 tlv
“With respect to your former lifestyle, you are to lay aside the old self corrupted by its deceitful desires, be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self—created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
Ephesians 4:22-24 tlv
“Therefore if anyone is in Messiah, he is a new creation. The old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”
2 Corinthians 5:17 tlv
“He Himself bore our sins in His body on the tree, so that we, removed from sins, might live for righteousness. By His wounds you were healed.”
1 Peter 2:24 tlv
Common Misconceptions About Self-Denial in Modern Life
In our culture, dying to self is often misunderstood as losing one’s personal value or self-worth. However, true self-denial is about letting go of pride, envy, and the need for validation, allowing us to live with a heart focused on God.
Mussar encourages a balanced approach: the middah (character trait) of humility (anavah) is a key example. According to Mussar, humility is not about downplaying our strengths but about having an accurate view of ourselves.
It means knowing that our talents are gifts from God, which we use to serve others rather than elevate ourselves.
Through the lens of Mussar, self-denial helps us avoid two extremes: pride and false humility. Dying to self doesn’t make us passive or invisible; instead, it gives us the freedom to act out of love and service without self-centered motives.
The Benefits of Practicing Self-Denial in Everyday Life
Why should we consider dying to self? Paradoxically, letting go of our own agendas brings inner peace, stronger relationships, and spiritual fulfillment. When we surrender the need for control, we open ourselves to God’s guidance, which often leads to more joy and resilience than we could create on our own.
In our relationships, self-denial helps us move past resentment, pride, and jealousy. For instance, our Mussar lessons encourage us to cultivate compassion (chesed) and gratitude, creating deeper, more authentic connections.
By shifting focus from “what’s in it for me?” to “how can I bless others?” we begin to experience the true freedom and joy that comes from living a life centered on God and others.

How to Practice Self-Denial Daily: Practical Steps and Tips
Living a life of self-denial doesn’t require drastic changes. Here are some practical steps that can help you make self-denial a meaningful part of each day:
Let Go of Control and Trust in God
Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to:
“Trust in Adonai with all your heart,
tlv
lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight.”
Each morning, consider beginning your day with a prayer of surrender, asking God to guide your choices and to help you let go of your desire to control outcomes. This practice fosters peace and a deeper trust in God’s wisdom.
Serve Others Intentionally and Selflessly
One of the simplest ways to practice self-denial is by focusing on others. Choose one small act of kindness daily, whether it’s lending a hand, listening intently, or doing something thoughtful. Acts of kindness (chesed) are more than just good deeds—they’re moments to reflect God’s love and grace to those around us.
Engage in Self-Reflection to Refine Your Motives
Set aside a few minutes each day to examine your actions and thoughts. In Mussar, self-reflection is essential to understanding our motives. Ask yourself, “Am I acting out of a need for recognition or self-importance?” Self-awareness helps you make adjustments that align your motives with God’s desires.
Embrace Your Unique Journey and Avoid Comparison
In today’s world of constant comparison, we need to remember that each person’s path is unique. When you find yourself comparing or feeling inadequate, pause and pray for God’s blessing over the person you’re comparing yourself to. This practice not only softens envy but also centers you on your own spiritual journey.
Practice Forgiveness and Release Grudges
Yeshua’s call to “pray for those who persecute you” helps us shift from resentment to compassion. Mussar emphasizes forgiveness as a pathway to peace. When negative thoughts arise about someone who wronged you, pray for the strength to forgive and to let go. This practice clears your heart, allowing you to live more fully in the present.
Quick Reference Checklist for Practicing Self-Denial Daily
Practice | Action Step | Goal |
---|---|---|
Let Go of Control | Begin each day with a prayer of surrender, asking God to guide your decisions and release control. | Cultivate trust in God’s plans over your own. |
Serve Others Selflessly | Do one small act of kindness for someone without expecting anything in return. | Develop a habit of compassion and generosity. |
Practice Self-Reflection | Spend a few minutes reflecting on your actions and motives to check for self-centeredness. | Align your motives with God’s will. |
Avoid Comparison | Pray for those you compare yourself to, asking God to bless their journey. | Focus on your unique path and purpose. |
Forgive and Let Go | Pray for the strength to forgive someone who has wronged you. | Free yourself from bitterness and resentment. |
Use this checklist to guide your daily practices and gradually build a life rooted in selflessness, trust, and humility.
Reflection Questions to Deepen Your Journey of Dying to Self
Consider these questions to help you reflect on your own journey and make self-denial a deeper part of your life:
- Where in my life am I most resistant to letting go of control?
- How can I serve someone today without seeking recognition?
- Who in my life do I need to forgive, and what steps can I take toward forgiving them?
Join Our Community for Support and Growth
Dying to self is not a one-time event but a lifelong journey of small, intentional choices. For further support, you can download our free Bible study and reflection questions below or join our online community to connect with others committed to this transformative path. Here, you’ll find resources, encouragement, and guidance to help you along the way.
Also, join our free Mussar program to further develop your spiritual traits! We would love to have you!
As you embrace the journey of self-denial, remember that you’re not alone. We’d love to hear about your experiences—what steps have you taken to live more selflessly? How has it impacted your life and relationships?
Feel free to share your thoughts below. Let’s support one another as we grow in faith and humility together.
Don’t forget to download your free copy of our Dying to Self Bible study and reflection questions below!
FAQs:
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What is the difference between self-denial and low self-esteem?
Self-denial is a conscious choice to prioritize God’s will and others’ needs over our own desires, while low self-esteem is an unhealthy view of oneself. Self-denial doesn’t mean thinking poorly of ourselves; rather, it means recognizing our value in God’s eyes and allowing that to shape our actions. Mussar emphasizes a balanced view, encouraging us to see ourselves as God sees us, with strengths and weaknesses that are valuable in His plan.
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How can I maintain boundaries while practicing self-denial?
Self-denial doesn’t mean neglecting our own needs or overcommitting to others. Healthy boundaries allow us to serve and love others without exhausting ourselves or diminishing our well-being. Mussar teaches that a balanced approach to chesed (kindness) includes knowing our limits and being intentional in our service.
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What if I struggle with bitterness and find it hard to forgive?
Forgiveness is often challenging, especially if there is lingering pain. Start by praying for God to give you the strength to let go. Sometimes self-denial includes surrendering the right to hold a grudge and trusting God to heal you. You might also consider writing a prayer or letter expressing your feelings, which can help you release resentment even if it doesn’t change overnight.
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Is it okay to feel proud of my accomplishments while practicing humility?
Yes! True humility is not about dismissing your achievements; it’s about acknowledging them as gifts from God and using them for His purposes. Mussar’s approach to humility teaches us that healthy pride is grounded in gratitude. You can celebrate your accomplishments while remembering to give thanks to God as the source of your gifts.
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How can I involve my family in practicing self-denial?
Self-denial can be a powerful practice to share with family members, especially as an example of Yeshua’s love. Try introducing small daily acts of kindness or practicing forgiveness together. You might also consider family discussions on setting aside time for prayer, service, or reflecting on how to be there for one another without expecting anything in return.
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What are some good first steps if I’m new to the idea of dying to self?
If you’re new to self-denial, start with small, manageable practices like saying a simple prayer of surrender each morning, performing one act of kindness daily, or reflecting on areas where you tend to focus on yourself. Remember that this journey is gradual, and even small steps can lead to meaningful transformation over time.
Download Printable Study & Reflection Questions
NASB – “Scripture quotations taken from the NASB. Copyright by The Lockman Foundation“
Tree of Life (TLV) – Scripture taken from the Holy Scriptures, Tree of Life Version*. Copyright © 2014,2016 by the Tree of Life Bible Society. Used by permission of the Tree of Life Bible Society.

About Our Author
Diane Ferreira is a Jewish believer, wife, and mom, as well as a proud bulldog mom. She is currently pursuing her graduate degree in Jewish Studies at seminary, deepening her passion for Scripture and Jewish history. Diane writes with a heart to connect the rich traditions of her Jewish heritage with her faith in Yeshua, offering insights that inspire believers to grow in their walk with God. When she’s not studying or writing, Diane enjoys spending time with her family, reading, and crochet.