What Does It Mean to Be a Submissive Wife in Christian Marriage?
Please note that this article may contain affiliate links. As an Amazon Associate, I earn on qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you. You can read more at the bottom of this page or read my full disclosure on my Affiliate Disclosure Page
For many Christian women, the term “submissive wife” may spark a mix of emotions—curiosity, hesitation, or even concern. So, what does it truly mean to live as a submissive wife in Christian marriage?
In today’s culture, submission can often be misunderstood or viewed negatively. But biblically, submission is a God-given design for a healthy, Christ-centered marriage that strengthens both partners in faith and love. Rather than being about limitation, biblical submission allows for a deeper relationship with God and one’s spouse, bringing peace and unity.
Let’s explore together the true meaning of being a submissive wife, qualities of biblical submission, and practical steps for integrating it into daily life.
Understanding Submission in Christian Marriage
Before diving into the details of what a submissive wife looks like, let’s first clarify what biblical submission means in Christian marriage. Ephesians 5:22-24 is often cited as a foundational text on this topic:
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
esv
In Christian marriage, submission is about willing respect, trust, and partnership under godly leadership, rather than losing one’s voice or identity. Just as Christ submitted to God the Father out of love and humility, so a submissive wife chooses to follow her husband’s leadership out of a heart of love and respect. This type of submission strengthens a marriage and glorifies God.
Reader Reflection: What questions do you have about biblical submission in marriage? How does this concept of respectful partnership resonate with you?
Dispelling Myths and Misconceptions About Being a Submissive Wife
The idea of submission can bring with it misconceptions that may keep women from embracing this beautiful, biblical design for marriage. Let’s address some common myths surrounding the role of a submissive wife and counter them with biblical truth.
Myth #1: Submission Means Weakness
One of the biggest myths about submission is that it means passivity or weakness. However, submission in marriage requires inner strength, self-control, and courage. Far from being weak, a submissive wife is one who actively chooses to support her husband while standing strong in her faith.
Myth #2: Submission Means Agreeing with Everything
Some people think submission means a wife must agree with her husband on every matter without expressing her own opinions. However, a healthy marriage is a partnership where both voices matter. Submission includes respecting each other’s perspectives while making decisions in unity, through mutual respect.
Myth #3: Submission Means Losing Your Value or Identity
A submissive wife does not lose her identity but is, rather, valued deeply for who she is. God has uniquely created each of us, and our distinct strengths and talents bring beauty to our marriage. Submission involves confidence in who we are in Christ and a recognition of our God-given worth.
Reader Reflection: Which myth about submission challenges you the most? How might seeing submission through God’s lens change your perspective?
Qualities of a Submissive Wife in Christian Marriage
What does biblical submission look like in daily life? There are several qualities that help foster a strong, loving partnership in marriage.
Respectful
The foundation of submission is respect, as seen in Ephesians 5:33:
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
esv
Respect can take the form of listening, honoring his opinions, and speaking kindly about him in private and public.
Patient
Patience allows a wife to trust God’s timing and wisdom. Psalm 37:7 reminds us to “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Practicing patience, especially in disagreements, fosters peace and unity within marriage.
Graceful
A submissive wife offers grace to her husband in moments of tension or misunderstanding. Proverbs 31:26 states, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Grace allows us to forgive and love each other as Christ loves us.
Prayerful
A wife who practices submission prays fervently for her husband and her marriage. She seeks God’s guidance and asks for wisdom in supporting her husband. Prayer is a powerful way to grow in unity with one another and God.
Reader Reflection: Which of these qualities stands out most to you as something you’d like to grow in? How might God be calling you to practice it in your marriage?
Practical Ways to Embrace Submission in Your Daily Life
Submission may sound like an abstract idea, but it can be woven into everyday actions that express love and support.
Pray for Your Husband
Prayer is one of the most impactful ways to support and honor your husband. Regularly lift him up to God, asking for strength, wisdom, and guidance in his decisions. Starting each day with prayer can set a positive tone, reminding you of your unity in Christ.
You can pray the following prayer if you don’t know quite what to say:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for the gift of my husband and for the blessing of marriage. I lift him up to You today, asking for Your protection, strength, and guidance in his life. Please fill him with wisdom and courage as he leads our family, and help him to seek You in all things. Strengthen his faith, Lord, and give him peace in his heart, especially in challenging times.
Help me to be a supportive and loving wife, showing him respect and encouragement. Teach me to listen with understanding, to speak words that uplift, and to walk alongside him with a spirit of grace and patience. Lord, may our marriage reflect Your love and bring You glory, as we seek to serve You together.
In Jesus’ name, I pray. Amen.
Listen with Compassion
Listening carefully to your husband’s thoughts and feelings is a beautiful act of love and respect. It shows him that his perspective matters and builds trust in the relationship.
Speak Words of Encouragement
Words can build up or tear down. Proverbs 18:21 tells us, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” Speak words that uplift and strengthen your husband, showing him that you believe in his calling and trust in his leadership.
Seek God’s Wisdom
Submission does not mean you will not face challenges. Lean on God’s wisdom to handle difficulties with grace and strength. When you seek God’s direction (Proverbs 3:5-6), you can navigate challenges with a peace that only He can provide.
Reader Reflection: Which practical action resonates most with you? How might incorporating this step change your relationship with your husband?
Biblical Foundations for Submissive Wives in Marriage
Understanding submission requires grounding ourselves in Scripture. Here are a few Bible verses that provide insight into God’s design for submission within marriage:
1. Ephesians 5:21
“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
This verse reminds us that submission is a mutual calling, rooted in our respect and love for Jesus. It is about honoring one another in love and humility.
2. 1 Peter 3:7
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”
This verse shows that, while wives are called to submit, husbands are called to honor and respect their wives, understanding that both partners are equal heirs of God’s grace.
3. Colossians 3:18-19
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”
This passage balances the roles of both spouses, showing that a loving and harmonious marriage involves respect and gentleness from both sides.
4. Proverbs 31:11-12
“The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”
While not directly mentioning submission, this verse describes the Proverbs 31 woman’s faithfulness and respect toward her husband, qualities that build trust and strengthen their bond.
5. Titus 2:3-5
“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”
This passage encourages older women to mentor younger women, showing them the blessings of love, kindness, and submission in marriage as a witness to God’s truth.
6. Philippians 2:3-4
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
Although not specifically about marriage, this verse speaks to the heart of submission in any relationship: placing the needs and well-being of others above our own in humility.
7. James 4:7
“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”
This verse is about submission to God, reminding us that yielding to His authority is a powerful act that strengthens us against temptation and draws us closer to His will.
Each of these verses emphasizes that submission is rooted in love, respect, and a desire to reflect God’s heart in all our relationships.
Reader Reflection: How do these verses impact your view of submission? What might God be teaching you through them?
Submission and Mutual Love in a Godly Marriage
In a Christ-centered marriage, submission is balanced with mutual love and respect. Ephesians 5:25-28 calls husbands to love their wives “as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” As we have seen, just as wives are called to honor their husbands, husbands are also called to love their wives sacrificially. When both husband and wife honor this balance, they create a strong, loving partnership that glorifies God.
Reader Reflection: How does understanding mutual love and respect change the way you see submission in marriage?
Addressing Common Challenges with Biblical Submission
There will be moments when submission feels challenging, but remember that it is part of a journey of growth and trust. In these times, we can find strength in Proverbs 3:5:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
esv
and do not lean on your own understanding.
When we rely on God’s strength, He gives us the grace to practice submission with love and faith.
Reader Reflection: What challenge do you find most difficult? How can you ask God to help you in this area?
Final Encouragement: Embracing Submission as a Path to Deeper Faith
Biblical submission is a journey, not a destination. It allows us to draw closer to God and our husbands, creating a stronger foundation of faith and love. When we embrace this role, we reflect God’s design for marriage. Submission is a beautiful way to strengthen our marriage while growing in trust and faith.
As you walk this path, remember that you are not alone. God is with you, guiding and equipping you every step of the way.
Reader Reflection: How do you feel about submission as part of your faith journey? What step will you take to embrace it in your life?
FAQs
What if my husband does not share my faith?
If your husband is not a believer, submission can still be a powerful example of Christ’s love. 1 Peter 3:1-2 encourages wives in this situation to demonstrate Christ’s character through respectful and pure conduct, which can influence their husbands in a positive way. Pray regularly for his heart and for God’s guidance in your marriage.
Can I be a submissive wife and still have my own opinions?
Absolutely. Being a submissive wife does not mean giving up your thoughts or opinions and it doesn’t mean you never express disagreement. God created you with a mind and spirit that contribute to your marriage. Submission in a healthy, godly marriage includes sharing your views and insights while working together in harmony.
How can I practice submission if my husband makes decisions I disagree with?
Submission does not mean blindly agreeing with every decision. It means approaching disagreements with respect and a willingness to pray together, listen, and communicate. In situations where agreement is not possible, trust in God’s guidance and keep an open heart for His direction.
A Final Note:
Embracing biblical submission can transform your marriage and deepen your relationship with Christ. Submission is about trust, respect, and unity in your partnership with your husband. I invite you to share your own thoughts and questions about biblical submission in the comments below. What has been your experience, and how have you seen God working in your marriage?
If this post encouraged you, please consider sharing it on social media or subscribing to our newsletter for more insights and encouragement. Let’s continue to walk this journey together, supporting each other as we grow in faith.
Reflection Questions
As you consider the meaning of biblical submission and its role in your marriage, take a moment to reflect on how God may be inviting you to grow through this journey. Submission is not about perfection but about seeking God’s heart and allowing His Spirit to shape us in love, respect, and humility.
The questions below are designed to help you think deeply about your relationship with your husband and your walk with Christ. Ask God to guide your thoughts as you explore how biblical submission can enrich your faith and strengthen your marriage.
- How do I feel about the idea of biblical submission, and what might God be teaching me through these feelings?
- In what ways can I encourage and support my husband’s leadership in our marriage?
- Are there specific areas in my marriage where I find it difficult to practice submission? How can I invite God’s guidance in these areas?
- How does my relationship with Christ influence the way I approach submission in my marriage?
- What qualities from a biblical submissive wife (such as respect, patience, or grace) would I like to grow in, and what steps can I take this week to start?
- How can I make prayer a more central part of my support for my husband and our marriage?
- How might embracing biblical submission in my marriage impact my witness to others, especially those who may not share my faith?
About Our Author
Sergio DeSoto is a Sephardic-Ashkenazi Jew who follows Yeshua and holds to Scripture alone. No denomination. No rabbinic tradition. No Talmud. Just the text. He is the founder of The Scholar’s Table, a Hebraic-first biblical scholarship platform at sergiodesoto.com, where the Tanakh speaks first and Western theological frameworks answer to it. He is a high school dropout who outscored the system, a husband of 34 years, a father of six, and the inventor of The Bad Wrap vehicle wrap design software. He built careers without credentials, twice. His life verse is 1 John 2:6. Not as a motto. As a standard. He writes because most people have never been given permission to actually think about what the text says.
ESV – “Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”
I love my husband so much, and I really want to be submissive to him. But he does things the wrong way always. He is out of Job and can’t provide for I and my 11months old son. I usually wouldn’t nag or quarel with him, but he is not just doing it right. Right now we live in his mom’s house and it’s not been easy, his mum and his younger brother practically feeds us, my husband doesn’t want to hustle to care for us, he prefers to beg his brothers and sisters for financial aid, even when they keep quareling and insulting him. Before I gave birth I was working and supporting him, but I got laid off from work cus I gave birth. Each time I let out my opinion on things, he listens but doesn’t take my advice and wen he goes with his own instincts, he fails. I have cried and pleaded with him. I have made him understand what being husband and wife means, but he just doesn’t care. Sometimes I feel getting a divorce is the only option. It’s as if I have moved from grace to grass. Now I quarrel with him and nag him constantly cus I’m emotionally hurt. Should I be submissive to him?
Hi, Cindy: Yes, the Bible tells us to be submissive to our husbands (but not ever when it comes to abuse). I would strongly recommend that you seek Christian counseling from a counselor or Pastor. Your husband’s eyes need to be opened to his role as husband and father. I will be praying for you. God bless you.
Thanks so much ma’am
I believe in biblical marriage and I understand my place. I have a good husband that takes his responsibility as head of household to heart. He is a good man. I was a single mom for many years before he and I married. In most things I am fine with yielding, submitting. But there are times I unknowingly “step in it” with a decision I’ve made. I guess I don’t yet understand how it applies to everyday things. I tend to make quick decisions on what I think are small things. He feels disrespected and the small things are now huge and I am always left confused. When I am confused or cornered, I say anything to make the conversation end, which of course makes a bigger mess. He is very black and white, I am more on the side of gray and grace. I let things go. He is easily offended and assigns motives. I need time to collect myself and my thoughts, he comes out with guns blazing. I used to have and If-Then chart for my son when he was learning consequences. I wish there was one for what submission looks like in the day to day.
Thank you for sharing! Submission is something that takes practice. I found that I had to pray about it nearly constantly to keep it on my mind. Give it to the Lord and stop to pray before you answer or make any decision. God will guide you. I promise!
thanks i learn one and two things that i dnt know before
I’m so glad to hear that! God bless you and thank you for stopping by!
Hi
Please advise me- my husband and I are having an argument about protection. He feels as the protector he should know where I will be sleeping exactly when I’m out of town with friends. I don’t have a problem with that… the problem however is that he feels since I’m not the protector he shouldn’t have to tell me where he will be sleeping. He would just tell me which city or town he is going to.. We operate on a Christianity model where the husband is the provider and protector and where the wife submits. He went as far as to tell me that if I become rebellious and not tell him where I’m sleeping he will divorce me (which I feel it’s a threat and somehow emotional abuse) it is not the first time he has threatened to leave me if I don’t do anything. I feel it is unfair and being submissive should not be used as a way to take advantage of a situation. Overall he provides but I also work and bring in some money. He is caring and allows me to give my opinion and we make decisions together.
Please provide me with your honest advise me – am I being unreasonable?
Hi, Mary Ann – that is certainly a difficult situation. I would recommend that you go to God with this and also meet with a Christian counselor or Pastor to help you both navigate this. In the meantime, I will certainly keep you in prayer.
I have never read a more brainwashing article. What happened to mutual respect, and understanding? Not to mention equal treatment in a loving partnership?
Hi, Jean – of course mutal respect and understanding are important, but scripture tells us that we are to be submissive to our husbands -not in a doormat way, but in a way that honors both of your roles in marriage. Thank you for sharing your opinion.
what you write sounds so good but my husband did not want to be the leader in any way shape or form. on our first day of marriage 46 years ago he told me taht god had given me a good mind, abilities, etc and i was to use them. he also likes being in his own little world of reading and computers. thus i have always had to be the leader, do things, make it all work out
Here is our situation. After 46 years of marriage, and through all we have been through with all my husband’s illnesses and me pulling most of the weight we are getting a divorce. And not for the reasons you think.
His health is not good and he needs to go into a nursing home. The cost for any place near us will take both our retirements leaving me nothing to live on. NOTHING!
Any place we can afford is hours away and I will still be left with not meeting monthly bills. I would have to discontinue tv, internet and cell phones and then still decide which bill gets paid that month and which does not.
We do not qualify for Medicaid- to do so I would have to put myself into poverty. Selling the house is not an option, it is paid for and where would I live and what of our pets? I am in a generally safe neighborhood, any other place with cheap rent would be a bad neighborhood.
Should I rehome the pets, sell the home and live in poverty on very little so my husband can have his needs met? I guess that is what a proper submissive wife would do but I have worked long and hard to have a comfortable life style and be in a safe neighborhood.
So divorce seems to be the only option because it will be a legal document that states what is his and what is mine and the nursing homes cannot touch it. He will have only his soc. Sec to pay for his bill and a little extra from me. The rest will be in my name so that I will not end up homeless. I found a place that is 2 hours away and I cannot wear a mask, so I will not be visiting him. Without cell phones/internet we will not be in touch much. He will also have to discontinue his amazon account by which he gets audio books.
Stephen is ill mostly because of his life style which I have tried to tell him over and over again was not good for him. Now we are both suffering for it.
Still I am open to suggestions as how to avoid this mess, which by the way, – local churches are not interested in helping.
And just something I came across from another person…patriarchy/complementarianism (like camels, the desert, sheep, togas, etc) is the backdrop of the bible, not the point of it. God can, does and has called women to be leaders, preachers, teachers, evangelists, etc
Susan in Paris TX
hi, Susan – I’m so sorry that you are facing that situation. Our health system is broken. I’m sure you have gone to the Lord to ask for guidance. i would continue to do so and seek organizations that may be able to provide help. Have you talked to a pastor or Christian counselor about this? Please message me at sue@womanofnoblecharacter.com and let me see if there’s any suggestions I can provide. I am praying for you!
OK, l live in the UK where the system is different , but my advice would be divorce him.. Get legal advice and protect yourself
This is your life , your own health and safety
I wanted to know how working women that are the provider bc their husband is hurt or etc are suppose to be submissive in the relationship
Hi, Ashleigh – thanks for writing. You can still be submissive by words and deeds. Deferring to him, serving him first, etc., as mentioned in the post. Working or not, we can still find ways to be submissive. I’ll keep you in prayer, sister!
This is the stupidest, most backward thing I’ve ever heard.
I am more educated than my husband. I have a much higher paying and more prestigious job. I work longer hours and my job is much more stressful. In our marriage, we are equal partners in everything. Full stop.
“Make his house a haven” – oh, please…
Income, prestige, education, hours worked, etc., have zero to do with being a submissive wife. I am in the same situation as you with my husband but biblically my husband is the head of the home. We are equal partners, as well. Submission is not downgrading IF you are viewing it biblically. If you are a believer, I recommend you read what the Bible says about submission and perhaps, you will see that it is a blessing. God bless you.
I’m pleased to find your description and ideas about what it means to be a submissive wife. The Google search results were disheartening as the overarching view seems to be that submissiveness is equivalent to a woman who enables an abusive husband. This is so wrong. Like you’ve described, a woman can be strong in herself, still able to discern a loving relationship from an abusive one.. AND be submissive, fully committed and supportive to her husband. Thanks again for your thoughts.
I’m so glad to hear that my post blessed you! thank you for stopping by and have a blessed day! God bless you!
When you choose to make yourself feel good? Sometimes that is NOT a choice. I don’t choose chronic pain over making myself feel good for my husband. The rest of the article may have been great but I couldn’t get past this statement.