Why I Don’t Want to Be a Proverbs 31 Woman (All the Time)

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Let me go ahead and ruffle some linen-robed feathers: I don’t always want to be a Proverbs 31 woman.

Now don’t grab your anointing oil and call a prayer circle just yet. I love the Word. I revere Scripture. I teach it. But can we just be real?

That passage is beautiful… and exhausting.

She rises early. She stays up late. She makes clothes. She handles business. She feeds her family, runs her household, supports her husband’s influence, invests in property, fears the Lord, and is somehow also kind, poised, resourceful, wise, joyful, and strong.

Sis. When does she sit down?

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“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”

Proverbs 31:25

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A Portrait, Not a Prescription

I used to read Proverbs 31 and feel inspired. Then intimidated. Then resentful. Then…guilty.

Because I love God, I want to serve my family well. I want to live wisely and walk uprightly.

But I also want to nap.

I want to wear sweatpants and not feel like a failure when the laundry piles up. I want to order takeout without whispering “forgive me, Lord” over a Chick-fil-A bag.

There are days when my strength is not showing. There are moments I am not clothed in dignity. There are weeks when I feel like I am failing at every role God has entrusted to me.

And that’s when the Lord gently reminds me: “You’re not her yet, and you’re not her always. You’re becoming. And I’m here for every part of it.”

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Understanding the Context of Proverbs 31

This passage wasn’t written as a task list. It’s a Hebrew acrostic poem—a celebration of wisdom, a mother’s words to her son, King Lemuel, about the kind of woman worthy of honor.

It’s poetry, not pressure.
It’s inspiration, not instruction.
It’s a celebration—not a competition.

And when we forget that, we start turning God’s Word into a measuring stick for our inadequacies instead of a mirror reflecting our growth.

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Valor, Not Perfection

In Hebrew, the phrase “woman of noble character” is eshet chayil—a woman of valor.

This isn’t about being demure or domestic perfection. This is warrior language.

This is a woman who shows up when it’s hard. Who keeps going when she wants to quit. Who trusts God when the plan makes no sense and the energy is gone.

She’s not just “well-rounded.” She’s battle-tested.

And the beauty of Proverbs 31? It’s not about hustling to prove your worth.

It’s about walking in your identity as a woman who fears the Lord, even on the days when you feel far from polished or productive.

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When You’re Not “Her” Today

Some days, you’ll rise early and slay.
Some days, you’ll cry in the shower and pray for strength just to cook dinner.
Both days are holy.

Because being a woman of valor doesn’t mean doing all the things all the time; it means showing up with a willing heart and saying, “Lord, here I am.”

That’s faith. That’s grace. That’s Proverbs 31.

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A Proverbs 31 Woman – The Performance Trap

The danger is when we read Proverbs 31 as a spiritual to-do list instead of a poetic snapshot of godly character.

That pressure to perform creates shame, not sanctification.

I’ve had those moments…the ones where I’m measuring my walk by how many chores I finished, how many tasks I crushed, and how calm I sounded while doing it.

And can I be honest?

Some days you’ll feel like you’re clothed in grace and dignity.
Other days? You’re wrapped in self-doubt and yesterday’s sweatshirt.
Both days matter to God.

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When I Hit My Limit

There was a season when I felt like I was failing at everything. The house wasn’t clean, my blog was behind, I was short-tempered with everyone, and I felt like a fraud.

I whispered, “God, I’m not her. I’m not that woman.”

And I heard Him whisper right back: “I never asked you to be her all the time. I just asked you to let Me be God, all the time.”

That right there? That’s freedom.

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A Different Way to Read the Proverbs 31 Woman

Let’s try something new. Instead of using this passage to pressure yourself, use it to pray:

• “Lord, help me grow in strength—especially when I feel weak.”
• “Teach me to speak with kindness, even when I’m tired.”
• “Help me fear You more than I fear failing.”

This passage isn’t a crown to earn. It’s a crown we grow into: inch by inch, day by day.

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My Final Thoughts

So no, I don’t want to be the Proverbs 31 woman all the time.

But I do want to be the woman who:

• Loves Jesus with her whole heart
• Shows up for the people God gave her
• Speaks truth wrapped in grace
• Fears the Lord more than she fears imperfection
• And trusts that even her mess can be ministry

The Proverbs 31 woman isn’t a measuring stick. She’s a portrait of possibility.
She isn’t a mandate. She’s a model.
She isn’t your competition. She’s your sister in the Word.

You don’t have to earn the right to be used by God.
You just have to show up with your heart open and your hands surrendered.

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Let’s Reflect

💬 Have you ever used Proverbs 31 as a mirror—and ended up discouraged?
💬 What’s one verse in that passage that speaks to you right now…and one that intimidates you?
💬 What would change if you saw her as inspiration, not expectation?

📩 Want more real, honest, Word-filled encouragement like this?

Join me over on She’s So Scripture on Substack where we walk through Scripture, struggle, and surrender—together.

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Tree of Life (TLV) – Scripture taken from the Holy Scriptures, Tree of Life Version*. Copyright © 2014,2016 by the Tree of Life Bible Society.  Used by permission of the Tree of Life Bible Society.

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