Giving Grace – A Real-Life Guide to Practicing Patience and Mercy

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When Grace Doesn’t Come Naturally

Giving grace to others has never been my strong suit in the natural! I admit, sometimes extending grace is not even my strong suit as a believer! So let me start off by introducing myself…

Hi, I’m that crazy New Yorker who gets aggravated by everyone on the road and wishes you all stayed home. Yeah, THAT one! Nice to meet you!

No, really—I learned to drive in New York before I was saved, and honestly, I’m not entirely sure my driving is saved yet. (Let’s just say my horn knows my heart.)

Every time I get behind the wheel, I’m sure the Lord is using it as a lesson in grace. And not the soft, easy kind. I’m talking about the kind of grace that pulls your flesh to the floor and forces you to practice mercy when someone just cut you off and waved like you were the problem.

This isn’t always second nature, especially when people are testing your patience. But that’s when it matters most.

 

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What Is Giving Grace? A Simple, Biblical Definition

Giving grace isn’t the same as tolerating bad behavior. It’s not ignoring wrong or pretending everything’s fine. Grace is unearned kindness. It’s mercy in the middle of mess. And when we give it to others, we reflect the heart of God.

Grace and mercy often travel together, but they’re not quite the same. Mercy is withholding the punishment someone deserves—like a judge choosing not to sentence. Grace goes a step further. It’s giving favor, kindness, or blessing that someone hasn’t earned.

In Hebrew thought, rachamim (mercy) is deeply connected to the word rechem, meaning “womb”—it’s tender, protective, mothering compassion. So when we talk about giving grace, we’re often practicing mercy too—restraining ourselves when justice tempts us, and showing kindness even when we’d rather not.

Ephesians 4:29 reminds us:

“Let no harmful word come out of your mouth, but only what is good for building up others according to the need, so it gives grace to those who hear it.”

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Grace is like spiritual glue. It holds relationships together when people are falling apart.

Colossians 3:13 says:

“Bear with one another and forgive each other if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord pardoned you, so also you must pardon others.”

That word “pardon” in Hebrew thought connects with chesed, lovingkindness—God’s covenantal grace.

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How God Taught Me to Give Grace Behind the Wheel

So here’s where it gets real. When I’m in my car, I meet the entire cast of characters:

• Barbara Belowthespeedlimit, slamming on her brakes for a butterfly.
• Teresa Texter, drifting casually into my lane with no clue.
• Sammy Speed Racer, tailgating me like his eternal salvation depends on it.
• And of course, Roger Rightturnfromthelefthandlane—need I say more?

Every one of these encounters is a little workshop in grace. And I’ll admit, sometimes I fail the pop quiz.

But God doesn’t grade on a curve—He offers mercy and teaches me again and again.

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When Grace Feels Impossible

Let’s be honest—being a believer doesn’t mean we always feel spiritual. Paul captured this perfectly:

“For I do not understand what I am doing—for what I do not want, this I practice; but what I hate, this I do.”

Romans 7:15, TLV

Been there? Oh yes.

I may not shout out the window anymore, but I think things. And that’s where the real battle is—on the inside.

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How God Uses Inconveniences to Teach Us Grace

Driving has become a divine classroom for me. The slow drivers, the red lights, the missed turns—all invitations to patience.

And yes, even the “video game moments” where I’m dodging unexpected lane-changers and brake-slammers. God meets me there.

Each time, He gently reminds me that He’s still working on me. And giving grace isn’t a once-and-done thing—it’s a lifestyle. A midot tovot (good character traits) training ground.

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Growing in Grace: Why It Takes Time and Trust

The Jewish wisdom tradition calls this growth cheshbon hanefesh—an accounting of the soul. Rabbi Mendel of Satanov emphasized that transformation starts in the heart and takes time.

This process is what Scripture calls sanctification—the ongoing work of becoming more like Yeshua. It’s not a spiritual glow-up that happens in a day. It’s the slow, often uncomfortable transformation where grace becomes not just something we receive, but something we give freely.

We learn to extend patience not because we’ve mastered it, but because the Spirit is sanctifying us in real time—on the highway, in our homes, and in the middle of frustrating conversations.

Just like 2 Peter 3:18 encourages:

“But grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Yeshua the Messiah.”

Growing in grace is a lot like growing fruit—it takes time, pruning, and plenty of sunshine from the Spirit. Galatians 5:22–23 gives us the recipe: “But the fruit of the Ruach is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.”

When we talk about giving grace, we’re really talking about letting the Ruach HaKodesh (Holy Spirit) bear His fruit in us. Patience in irritation. Kindness when inconvenienced. Gentleness when tempers flare. These aren’t personality traits—they’re evidence of God’s life growing inside us.

Growing in grace means giving space for the Spirit to work—in ourselves and in others.

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We Can’t Pour What We Don’t Hold: How Receiving Grace Changes Us

When we mess up (and we do), we lean on God’s grace. The prophet wrote:

“The grace of Adonai is not exhausted, that His compassion has not ended. On the contrary, they are new every morning!”

Lamentations 3:22–23, CJB

New mercies. Every single day.

And that’s the model: we receive mercy and kindness and then pass it on.

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Biblical Examples of Grace in Action

The Bible doesn’t just talk about grace—it shows it. Time and again, we see the Lord extending compassion, forgiveness, and patience toward people who, frankly, didn’t earn it. And in the lives of those who followed Him, we see the same nmerited favor reflected in powerful ways.

Yeshua and the Adulterous Woman (John 8:1–11)

This story is grace on full display. A woman is caught in adultery and dragged before Yeshua. According to Torah, she could have faced stoning (Deuteronomy 22:22). But what does Yeshua do?

He stoops and writes in the dirt—silent, deliberate. Then He says:

“He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”

John 8:7, TLV

The crowd disperses, one by one. And Yeshua tells her:

“Neither do I condemn you. Go, and sin no more.”

John 8:11, TLV

Yeshua doesn’t excuse the sin—but He leads with mercy. He gives her the space to change. This is what giving grace looks like: offering someone the dignity of a future.

Joseph Forgiving His Brothers (Genesis 45 & 50)

Joseph’s brothers sold him into slavery. Their betrayal was life-altering, painful, and unjust. And yet, years later, when Joseph rises to power in Egypt and has the chance to punish them, he doesn’t.

Instead, he weeps. He embraces them. He says:

“You yourselves planned evil against me—God planned it for good…”

Genesis 50:20, TLV

Joseph chooses restoration over revenge. He acknowledges the hurt but lets God’s bigger plan frame the story. His grace heals a broken family and preserves a nation.

David and King Saul (1 Samuel 24 & 26)

King Saul was obsessed with killing David. He hunted him, slandered him, and made his life miserable. But when David had two perfect chances to kill Saul in his sleep, he didn’t take them.

Instead, David says:

“Adonai forbid that I would do such a thing to my lord, Adonai’s anointed…”

1 Samuel 24:7, TLV

David showed restraint. Honor. Grace. He trusted God to handle justice and refused to take it into his own hands.

The Prodigal Son’s Father (Luke 15:11–32)

One of Yeshua’s most beloved parables is dripping with grace. A rebellious son insults his father, wastes his inheritance, and hits rock bottom. When he finally returns home, broken and ashamed, he expects rejection.

But the father runs to him. He hugs him, clothes him, and throws a feast.

“For this son of mine was dead and has come back to life—he was lost and is found.”

Luke 15:24, TLV

That’s grace. The father didn’t just accept him—he celebrated him.

Moses Interceding for Israel (Exodus 32)

After the golden calf incident, God tells Moses He’s ready to start over—with Moses. But Moses pleads for the people.

“Yet now, please forgive their sin. But if not, please blot me out of Your book that You have written.”

Exodus 32:32, TLV

Moses offers himself in their place. That’s grace with a backbone. He advocates for mercy even when justice is justified.

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Practical Ways to Give Grace Daily

Giving grace doesn’t have to be grand or complicated. Sometimes it starts with small, intentional steps—steps that shift our posture from reaction to reflection, from judgment to mercy. Here are some ways you can practice giving grace every single day.

Pause Before Reacting – Breathe, Pray, Reflect

You know that split second when your blood pressure rises and your face starts getting hot? That’s your cue. Just pause.

Instead of reacting with irritation or snark (guilty as charged), take a breath. Literally inhale and exhale. It signals your brain to step out of “fight or flight” mode and gives your spirit a chance to speak louder than your emotions.

In that pause, whisper a quick prayer—“Abba, help me respond with patience and not pride.” Sometimes, that five-second gap is the difference between a heated moment and a holy one.

Mussar teaches that the quality of savlanut—patience—is like a muscle. It strengthens with use. And pausing is how we train.

Pray in the Moment – Ask God for Patience

I don’t mean adding someone to your prayer list for later (though that’s great, too). I mean right there, in the moment. Pray before the words come out, before your face gives away your thoughts.

If someone cuts you off, interrupts you, or sends a passive-aggressive text, say: “Lord, help me see this person through Your eyes.”

Prayer interrupts your impulse and invites God into the interaction. And if there’s anyone who knows how to extend grace in messy moments, it’s Him.

It’s also where the Ruach HaKodesh—the Holy Spirit—steps in. We’re not asked to give grace in our own strength. Grace is supernatural, and the power to give it comes from God’s Spirit living within us.

When we pause to pray, we’re not just centering ourselves—we’re calling on divine help to respond with the same kindness Yeshua showed us.

Romans 5:5 reminds us that “the love of God has been poured into our hearts through the Ruach ha-Kodesh who was given to us.” We’re simply letting it flow outward.

As Psalm 145:8 reminds us:

“Adonai is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and great in lovingkindness.”

And since we’re made in His image, we can echo that in how we respond.

Reframe Their Situation – What Might They Be Going Through?

We tend to take things personally. That snappy comment? Must be about me. That silence? They’re ignoring me.

But what if they’re just… human?

• The barista who forgot your order might’ve had a sleepless night with a sick child.
• The friend who didn’t text back might be silently battling depression.
• The guy who flipped you off in traffic? Maybe he’s rushing to the ER.

Giving grace means choosing empathy over assumption. The rabbis call this dan l’kaf zechut—judging others favorably. It’s not naive; it’s merciful.

Reframing someone’s story doesn’t excuse bad behavior, but it helps us respond from compassion rather than ego.

Speak Life, Not Criticism – Build Up, Don’t Tear Down

Words have power. Proverbs 18:21 says, “Death and life are in the control of the tongue.” So what are we planting with our words—thorns or flowers?

Giving grace means using our words as tools of healing. Even when someone frustrates us, we can choose words that bring peace instead of pain.

That doesn’t mean we avoid hard truths. It means we season them with love. It means replacing sarcasm with sincerity, complaints with compliments, and criticism with encouragement.

Try this: the next time someone disappoints you, instead of launching into what’s wrong, speak a word of blessing. It might just shift the whole atmosphere.

Replace Assumptions with Compassion – Give the Benefit of the Doubt

Let’s be real—most of our inner frustration comes not from what people do, but what we assume they meant.

We assume someone ignored us on purpose.
We assume that look meant judgment.
We assume their silence means they’re angry.

But what if we just… didn’t?

What if we trained ourselves to lead with compassion instead of conclusions?

Giving the benefit of the doubt is a sacred act. It says, “I choose to believe the best about you, even if I don’t understand you right now.”

In Jewish ethical teaching, this ties closely to chesed (lovingkindness) and rachamim (compassion)—both traits of God Himself. The sages taught that when we imitate God’s mercy, we invite His presence more fully into our lives.

Each of these practices is like a small drop in the ocean—but together, they start to change the current.

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Flip-Flops and Flipouts – Stepping into Their Shoes

Sometimes we just need to imagine their story:

• Maybe Barbara had a wreck and drives with fear now.
• Maybe Teresa’s dealing with a crisis call.
• Maybe Roger’s lost and confused.

Putting a face on grace helps soften our heart.

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Grace and Boundaries – What It’s Not

Giving grace doesn’t mean being a doormat. Yeshua Himself walked in grace and truth. Setting boundaries is biblical.

If someone repeatedly violates your trust or disrespects your boundaries, offering grace may mean forgiveness paired with necessary distance. Grace doesn’t mean staying in harmful patterns—it means honoring both truth and love.

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Giving Grace to Yourself, Too

Christian women especially are hard on themselves. You show kindness to everyone but judge yourself relentlessly.

But Romans 8:1 says:

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Messiah Yeshua.”

Giving grace starts with receiving it—and yes, that includes you.

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Give Gap, Get Gap – Grace on the Road and in Life

There’s an old highway saying: “Give gap, get gap.” Leave room. Let others in.

Same goes for life. Giving grace creates spiritual margin—space to breathe, space to be human.

And yes, if you see a crazy New Yorker in a white Kia Seltos in central Connecticut… just wave. It’s probably me.

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A Prayer for Grace

Abba, help me to give grace when I’d rather judge. Remind me of Your kindness when I want to be right. Let my heart reflect Yours in every interaction—on the road, in my home, and in the hard moments. Help me be quick to listen, slow to anger, and full of compassion. May I grow daily in grace and truth, just like Yeshua. Amen.

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My Final Thoughts – You’re Not Alone in the Struggle

Giving grace is hard. That’s why it’s called grace—because it’s not earned or deserved.

You’re not alone in the struggle. Whether it’s behind the wheel or around the dinner table, we’re all in the school of grace together.

So comment below—share your own grace-giving journey! And join our She Opens the Bible Study Facebook group to go deeper with a community of women learning to walk out grace daily.

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FAQs About Giving Grace

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