What the Bible Says About How to Tame the Tongue

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Controlling our words can sometimes feel as challenging as taming a wild horse. We will explore James Chapter 3 and other scriptures to help us understand its profound wisdom on how to tame the tongue. These verses offer invaluable insights into the power of our speech and the impact it can have on our lives and those around us.

Join me as we unpack these lessons and discover practical ways to harness our words for good.

What Does it Mean to “Tame” the Tongue?

In short, taming the tongue means putting a guard over your mouth and ensuring that what comes out is in line with God’s Word and His own heart and the good fruits of the Holy Spirit.

When we speak, it’s important to choose the words that will lift up and bring joy and life and hope. Your words can either be rooted in fear and anger or in peace, faith and love; they are dictated by your perspective on life and everything around you – and therefore they reflect your heart. (Luke 6:45)

In the Book of James in verse 3:6:

“Yes, the tongue is a fire, a world of wickedness. The tongue is so placed in our body that it defiles every part of it, setting ablaze the whole of our life; and it is set on fire by Gei-Hinnom itself.”

CJB

Taming your tongue means not giving in to idle words, expressions of anger or fits of rage. The tongue of the wise speaks with love, carefulness and kindness.

The Bible tells us that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45).

This means that what comes out of our mouth is a reflection of what is in our heart, as I mentioned above.

Love and gracious words flow when the heart is filled with love. Conversely, when the heart overflows with anger and haughtiness, it gives rise to anger and bragging. Our tendency to boast, speak negatively, and engage in gossip stems from our perception of superiority over others.

Speaking Rashly

When we talk about speaking a careless word, I don’t just mean foul language, because I am the first to admit that I have been known in the past to spew a few words that I shouldn’t when I get hurt or frightened badly enough.

It’s a knee-jerk reaction and I am not going to pretend I am perfect! It’s something I am working on, with the Lord’s help!

But it is something I have to watch out for because one stub of the toe and I can almost guarantee a word might try to slip through! That is where the “guard” needs to be placed.

But in this instance, I am talking about things that are not so “obviously” wrong at first glance. I am talking about things that may not even occur to us when we speak.

I am talking about not only avoiding speaking hurtful things deliberately but also not speaking a harsh word in haste as a reaction or out of hurt or anger or maybe just an insensitive comment that wasn’t thought through.

It is about pausing and reflecting before speaking rash words and asking for God’s help when we struggle in this area.

In Proverbs 16:24 it says,

“Pleasant words are honeycomb—sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.“

TLV

The Hebrew word for ‘health’ here is marpe’ which means “healing, health, sound of mind”.

Imagine that! God’s Word says that if we speak pleasant words, it is not only sweet like a honeycomb but it offers healing and makes one sound of mind!

I don’t think this implies this is just for the hearer either! I think it gives a sound mind to the speaker as well.

Why? Because we avoid saying something we wish we could take back, but can’t.

We avoid the stress, the pain, the drama and everything else like it when we avoid saying something we can’t take back.

Your words have the great power to speak good things and positive things and bless others or they can hurt and cause pain to others and that is why taming the tongue is so important.

James 1:19-26 says:

“Therefore, my dear brothers, let every person be quick to listen but slow to speak, slow to get angry; for a person’s anger does not accomplish God’s righteousness!
So rid yourselves of all vulgarity and obvious evil, and receive meekly the Word implanted in you that can save your lives. Don’t deceive yourselves by only hearing what the Word says, but do it! 

For whoever hears the Word but doesn’t do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror, who looks at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 

But if a person looks closely into the perfect Torah, which gives freedom, and continues, becoming not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work it requires, then he will be blessed in what he does.
Anyone who thinks he is religiously observant but does not control his tongue is deceiving himself, and his observance counts for nothing.”

CJB

Quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to get angry…we could all use more of that these days I believe.

The great sage Maimonides warned that wrong speech is a transgression that is equivalent to murder but actually even worse because it kills three people; the one who said it, the one who heard it and the one about whom it was said.

Silence is one of the traits I teach in Mussar and, in fact, Orchot Tzadikkim (The Ways of the Tzaddikim or Righteous – a book on Mussar) says “If you cannot find someone to teach you Mussar, remain silent, let you speak foolishness.”

How to Tame the Tongue (and that keyboard!)

Have you ever written a letter (yes, a paper one) to someone you are upset with or who hurt you in some way?

Maybe you have written some long, angry letter that was 5 pages long telling them ALL about themselves and then read it over and ended up crumpling it and tossing it out?

A more modern version of this would be typing up an email and then, before you hit ‘send’, you read it over and delete it.  

Maybe its an angry text that you type out and then delete it because you realized it sounded pretty harsh.

Words can be powerful weapons and when we allow unkind or negative words to cause us to lose control of our tongues (or our pens or keyboards) we are not acting with the wisdom God desires of us. I need to always give pause before allowing the door of my lips to open up wide and allow the wrong things to waltz on through.

I myself have written posts on Facebook when I have been upset about a general issue like politics and then I read it after a bit and deleted it because I thought it may have sounded too harsh or I came off as complaining.  

It’s crumpled paper of the more electronic kind but it’s the same concept.

When you are writing you have the luxury of reading it over again and starting over if you don’t like how it sounds. We don’t have that luxury when speaking to someone.

We can’t just hit a delete button and take it back. Once it is said, it is said. 

 

The Power of Words

We have all heard the childhood saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!”

Well, while I said that a lot as a kid, I disagree with it as an adult.

The power of words is that they CAN have a lasting impact on people and can do a lot of harm.

Ever wonder how powerful words are? Just look at the effects of bullying in our society today! Words DO harm!

I know this damage firsthand.

I have had things said to me in the past that caused a lot of pain and heartache! 

They affected me for many, many years later. They affected me enough to write a blog post about it and to even recall it by mentioning it here. It has been 35 years and it STILL impacts me. Words can impact someone through the entire course of their life – for good or bad.

So I feel like God is telling me to make it a practice now to crumple my speech like that paper we talked about.

I should carefully “re-read” what I am about to say in my mind and then “crumple” up anything that is too harsh or too reactive and replace it with something more positive and uplifting.  

No one will ever mind if we ask for a moment to consider what we will say next. What they WILL mind is having something said to them that will do the opposite of healing, or giving soundness of mind.

They WILL mind hurt feelings or broken relationship.

The power of words is that they can cause us to wound others significantly.

You tame your tongue when you choose to speak words that uplift and encourage and “heal” instead.  

Marpe’ also means “profit”.

Miriam Webster defines profit as “the advantage or benefit that is gained from doing something”.  

So we gain an advantage by speaking words of kindness and sweetness. It goes along the lines of ‘you catch more flies with honey than vinegar’!  

Proverbs 15:1 says:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

TLV

When things are becoming heated, whether in conversation or a post on social media, a soft answer turns someone’s anger in another direction, as the Book of Proverbs tells us. It’s very difficult to continue to argue with someone who refuses to argue back and is not feeding the wild beast that strife becomes.

However, being harsh in response to them, well that just takes a small fire and turns it into a blaze.

James 3:5:

“So also the tongue is a small member—yet it boasts of great things. See how so small a fire sets a blaze so great a forest!”

TLV

When things are becoming heated, a soft answer turns someone's anger in another direction. It's hard to argue with someone who refuses to argue back and is not feeding the wild beast that strife becomes. Share on X

Taming a Lying Tongue

In addition to speaking words that lift up and not tear down, the Word of God also tells us the sins of the tongue also encompass speaking falsehoods and gossip.

Our words should always be truthful and spoken with integrity. The Bible tells us in Matthew 5:37:

“But let your word ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’—anything more than this is from the evil one.”

TLV

Ephesians 4:25 says:

“Therefore, stripping off falsehood, let everyone speak truth with his neighbor, because we are intimately related to each other as parts of a body.”

CJB

But it’s not only what we say to others. God is also concerned with the words we speak to ourselves.

Why is that? Well, we have already demonstrated that our words DO have power. The have the power to tear down and the power to build up.

What we continually speak over ourselves comes to pass because we believe it to be true so we act as though it were.

You can easily get into agreement with what the enemy wants you to think about yourself rather than getting into agreement with what God’s Word says about you!  

You can easily get into agreement with what the enemy wants you to think about yourself rather than getting into agreement with what God's Word says about you! Share on X

You act with a lack of confidence in yourself and that will flow over into whatever you do! It is a self-fulfilling prophecy! So choose words that uplift you!

Choose to see yourself the way God sees you and speak what the Bible says about you, by the power of His Word not ours!  

So I challenge you to begin crumpling your speech a bit and find ways you can guard your mouth and, let’s be like the Proverbs 31 woman:

“She opens her mouth with wisdom—a lesson of kindness is on her tongue.”

Proverbs 31:36 tlv

Bible Verses About the Power of Words

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CJB – Taken from the Complete Jewish Bible by David H. Stern. Copyright © 1998. All rights reserved. Used by permission of Messianic Jewish Publishers, 6120 Day Long Lane, Clarksville, MD 21029. www.messianicjewish.net.

Tree of Life (TLV) – Scripture taken from the Holy Scriptures, Tree of Life Version*. Copyright © 2014,2016 by the Tree of Life Bible Society.  Used by permission of the Tree of Life Bible Society.

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