Spiritual Growth - Living a Life of Faith

Meek and Mild – Trying to Fit the Mold

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Meek and mild? Me? Uh, no! Not even close!

Oh but I try!! In fact I would try so hard it would leave me in tears.

My success at being the ideal woman of faith always lasts about 2 minutes!

But what does it mean to be meek? Should that be something we try to attain for ourselves like some prototype of what a woman should be? Let’s look deeper at being that meek and mild woman of God!

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Meek and Mild Meaning

Let’s start with meek and mild meaning and definition! What does meek and mild mean in terms of how we walk in our faith?

I know the word “meek” tends to make people think of someone who is weak and timid, but that is not the meaning here at all. Let me define meek as I use it here and as it is used in scripture.

The definition of meek is “quiet, gentle, humble. Miriam Webster says:

“enduring injury with patience and without resentment”

Seems to indicate it is someone who is forgiving and long-suffering.

Some examples of meekness in the Bible:

Matthew 5:5 says:

“Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.” ESV

1 Peter 3:4 says:

“…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” ESV

Galatians 5:22 says:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,” ESV

These all speak of meekness! It is a gentleness of spirit. 

I So Desired a Meek and Mild Disposition

Every day was a struggle for me. It was a tug of war with who I am and who I want to be. Every day I got up and I decided that I would be different today. I WANTED to be different today.

It’s not my actions that I struggle with, it is my mouth. It is my attitude. And it is my demeanor.

You see, I am a genuinely nice, caring person. I am a funny person! I love making people laugh! My husband is hilarious! He should have been a comedian. He is loved by everyone who meets him!

Together, we laugh…A LOT! I love real belly laughs and I love making people laugh that way!

But on the flip side, I am a New Yorker who was raised around very loud, opinionated women. I come from a strong, Jewish grandmother, and there’s a saying, “Ask 2 Jews, get 3 opinions”!

I lived my life speaking my mind and never backing down from an argument. Ever!  Like, ever!

Meek and Mild Like ALL Those Other Women

My desire, at the very core of my being, was to be that soft-spoken, meek and prayerful woman. I longed to be that woman who can see a divisive post on Facebook and, rather than get upset about it or desire to comment on it and SET THEM STRAIGHT, she just prays for them and scrolls past. 

I desire to be that person that can watch the news and not get all worked up by what I see. Or to be that woman who does not watch at all. I just simply desire to be SWEET!

Why can’t I just be sweet??

It’s not that I feel I HAVE to be that way, I WANT to be that way!

I pray for this daily! I PLEAD for this daily.

Today Will Be The Day! Right??

Every morning I step out of bed and say today I WILL be quiet, and peaceful and only speak that which is uplifting and positive.

Today I will be the person who, when I see someone on Facebook spreading fake news or spewing hateful things, just prays for them rather than get worked up inside.

And then it goes out the window about as fast as my feet hit the floor.

You see, when I got saved, my old woman was put to death, but it appears that every day, several times a day in fact, she has a resurrection and comes forth like Lazarus! And just like Lazarus must have stunk after 4 days in the tomb, my attitude stinks too!

It’s almost as if the more I desire to change, the more the old woman comes out!! It seems as though I can’t control it.

An image of a woman's hands making the shape of a heart against a backdrop of the ocean and sky and 1 Peter 3:4 quoted in the ESV

The Struggle To Be Meek and Mild

I know what Paul means when he said in Romans 7:14-15

For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin.  For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.” ESV

Oh Paul, I feel such camaraderie with you when I read these verses. The struggle has been there for believers all along.

And yet, I still wonder why!

Why is it that no matter how much I pray to be the way I envision other Christian women are, I just fail almost as soon as I stop praying?

I want to not be affected by the opinions of those around me, I want to be the wife and mother who is loving and soft spoken and yes, submissive! Not the born debater I seem to be!

I desire to be that soft space for my husband to land at the end of the day when he has had to deal with stress all day. I want to be the wife that exudes the Lord in me!!

Still, I Fail

And yet even as I am failing, even as I am doing it, it is in my head!

That voice (my own!) telling me to be soft spoken, don’t talk politics because politics is a hot topic and will get you going! My husband is a former politician so it is a hot topic in our house. And he will come home and I will tell him about something I saw on the news and next thing you know we are discussing politics for an hour.


I want our time spent together to be on higher things and not on worldly things. But I am a loud, brash New Yorker. It is at the very core of my being. How do you change something that is just WHO YOU ARE!!??

Warrior women - Creating a custom war binder for a powerful prayer life - A woman in a red plaid shirt against a red backdrop making a muscle with her arm

Oh…but God…..

I again went to Him in prayer and told Him how I struggle. I told Him AGAIN what I want my personality to be like…I was specific after all!! I had a list!!

And yet He showed me something.

He showed me I was praying for Him to change me but I wasn’t leaving it up to Him HOW to change me. 

I was presenting Him with this shopping list of personal qualities I thought I wanted and was asking Him to make me like other people rather than make me what HE wanted me to be; more like Yeshua!

He showed me that He knew what He was getting when He got me. I was no surprise to Him. It’s not like someone presented me to Him and He looked and was like…”Oh…Ooookay…what am I supposed to do with this??”

He knew my personality when He called me to my ministry. He also knew that my struggles and my fight would help others feel like they are not lost causes!!

Check out this post on 4 Reasons Why God Uses the Weak and Broken to Achieve Amazing Things

Meek and Mild – Yeah, Not All of Us

Shocker right?

He showed me that I am just a loud mouth like Peter!! My story shows people that Christians are REAL people with REAL struggles and REAL issues!!

Yeah, I HAVE ISSUES!! I have more issues than Better Homes and Gardens!!

So did Paul. So did David!

And God showed me that He is pleased with me because, like Paul and David, I have the WILL to do good. My heart is set on Him. My heart is set on doing HIS will and it is set on helping others learn more about Him.

I DESIRE to do what is right, even if I don’t always DO the things I think I should!

My spirit chooses what is right, but my flesh? It battles me day and night.

Like Paul….

Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” Romans 7:25  ESV

I have been relying on my own flesh to change. I have been trying and striving! And I was deciding HOW to change and WHAT to change into!

I was somehow believing that if I TRY hard enough I can BE different.

No!! I am who I am! I am not a Cookie Cutter Believer, made to fit some mold!! I am an individual and God uses each and every one of us, not only because of our strengths but also because of our weaknesses!

I shouldn’t be TRYING to fit some image in my mind of what I think a woman of faith should look like or trying to be like some of my friends.

I should simply ask God to make me into the woman HE wants me to be, not the woman I think I should be based on this picture in my head of, as Joyce Meyer says, “Sister Super Christian!”

Check out this post on the dangers of the Comparison Trap

Praying to be Meek and Mild Was Praying All Wrong

I’ve been praying for Him to make me like other people rather than asking Him to make me more like Yeshua.

Wow…reality check!!

Righteousness in Yeshua is the goal, not the women in church or synagogue, not the other bloggers I am friends with! The Lord alone!

I had the right motive but the wrong goal and, therefore, I was praying the wrong prayer.

My desire should always be to be more like Yeshua, not more like other women.

So, my prayer has changed.

Instead of presenting God with a list of qualities I think I want, that perfectly meek and mild believer that, in reality just doesn’t exist, I will simply ask Him to mold me into the woman HE wants me to be and the wife HE wants me to be and to show people, in my home and out of it…

Yeshua IN me.

In what ways have you struggled with comparison and feeling like you just couldn’t live up to the picture of the perfect  woman of faith?  Comment below!

ESV  –  “Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.”

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  1. Smiling and cringing at the same time over this post, because I’ve had the same wonderings myself. Somewhere I read about a woman who wants to have on her tombstone the words, “Demure at Last.” Yes!

  2. Why can’t I be meek and mild like other women? Because God didn’t knit me together that way. I realized a long time ago that God created me uniquely, therefore, I don’t try to fit in or be like others. I’m perfectly fine being who God made me.

    I wish other meek and mild women would stop pushing the narrative that says “good” Christian women are meek and mild. It’s pushed throughout the church/Christian community and it’s not true.

    God created us all uniquely for his purpose. The world would be a hot mess if every woman were meek and mild. We need bold, warrior women too.

    1. Amen!! We are who God created us to be. I had to come to that realization and stop trying to be who other people were. But I also believe we can be warrior women AND be gentle in spirit in how we reflect Christ to others. Thank you Yvonne!

  3. Women were meek and mild to a point. They were strong fierce and steadfast in their belief. Meek and mild is humble and giving of service. Different meanings back than

    1. Meek and mild as a Christian translates more to being slow to anger, gentle, showing Jesus through your interactions with others. Thank you Candy!

  4. I loved reading this as I inserted my own vices that I fuss with every morning. How wonderful that God works with us from where we are, and molds us slowly without ever taking away from our individuality.

  5. Thanks for this excellent post. I can completely identify with this. Not necessarily the desire to be meek and mild, but to conform to the behaviour of other Christians and seem more like them in order to fit in and be accepted. This happens not only in the behaviour expected of us but also the way we do certain ministries.

    When you get into that whole mindset and everyone around you is telling you to do it one way and saying that if you don’t, there’s something wrong with you or that you can’t be in leadership/ serving/ whatever it might be, that’s when you stop being the unique person God created you to be. There can easily be people in influential positions who think there’s only one way to do things and can’t conceive of any other way. I think this has been a constant struggle over the years in different church circles. When you don’t conform, you’re seen as difficult or unable to fit in, when in fact God may be calling you to be different in the first place.

    1. Excellent points Robert!! And I think this happens more than we care to think about in the church! God uses us because we are all different..the Bible even speaks of that when it says we are all different yet parts of one body! Thank you so much for sharing!!

  6. Very good! It’s definitely a balance between “dying to self” and “being who God created you to be”. I’m glad to know I’m not the only Christian out there who struggles with being more than a little outside the box. God is good, and He created us uniquely, and for that, I am greatful!!

  7. This has been my struggle too. I never seem to really fit in, but I know God uses that “differentness” to attract other people in the margins.

  8. Diane, I really enjoyed reading this. Although, I am on the opposite end of the spectrum from you. I wish that I could be more outgoing, be more brave, just be more. God is in control and He knows what He is doing. I will trust Him to guide me where He wants me to go.

    1. Yes!! It works both ways I guess..just like those like me with curly hair always wish it was straight and women with straight hair always want curly LOL

  9. YES! Trying to be more like CHRIST, not like other women!! That is my constant struggle too! Particularly because my mother in law, and sister in law set the bar very VERY high when it comes to begin a woman “with a gentle and quiet spirit.” And they are both the epitome of a “good Christian housewife.” I am always worrying that I’m not being enough for my husband, based on knowing what kind of mom and sister he grew up with. But I’m learning that my focus should be on who God wants ME to be as ME, not as someone else. Thank you so much for this reminder!

  10. I think it’s really cool that we can have individual personalities and yet still strive to be molded more like Christ. God does want us to be meek, but that will look a little different depending on personality type, and the point is the posture of our heart and actions, regardless of personality type. God has us as individuals for a reason, and He uses us (quirks and all) for His kingdom when we belong to Him. I totally agree that our prayer should be “make me more like Christ”. Thanks for the reminder 🙂

    1. Just like David was a man after God’s own heart in spite of all he did…He knows our hearts and He not only loves our quirks…He designed us that way! Isn’t that awesome to know we are exactly who we are for a reason!!?

  11. I never really think of Christ as being meek or submissive, although he was meek in that he was slow to anger, and submissive in that he always submitted himself to his Father’s will. It’s interesting that I always think of him more as loving and powerful and charitable. That’s what I strive for. I gave up on meek a long time ago!

    1. Yes the word meek has gotten a little misused at times and people tend to think of weak or a doormat. But Christ IS the example of what meekness is. He is definitely not weak!!

  12. My desire – I hear ya. I think it’s important to slow down and listen to the Holy Spirit before we speak as well. Since it’s a desire of my heart to be more meek and mild, I’ve seen the Lord literally stop me in my thoughts and (almost) words. When my mind is on this, and only when I’m tuned in, I remember to pause and think of what I’m about to say. We’re all a work in progress! 😉

  13. “I was asking Him to make me like other people rather than make me what HE wanted me to be.” I’m so grateful that none of us have to be perfect. Not even a perfect version of ourselves. Thanks for the encouragement to be ourselves, and let God have his way with us.

  14. I think sometimes we think of meek differently than it’s meant to be used. I definitely try not to get angry or riled up about things, but I’m definitely not meek in the way that society views “meek” right now. 🙂 And I think that’s okay. God made me the strong, passionate person that I am.

    1. Yes society has twisted the definition a bit. But meekness in the true sense takes much strength…it’s not easy!!

  15. Nodding my head and agreeing. God didn’t make only one type of Christian women. He loves diversity and we each have different strengths. You nailed it. We need to be praying to become more like Christ and to be the woman God wants us to be.

  16. Wonderful post. We have been called to be like Christ, not other women. I am so grateful He takes us from glory to glory, it’s a daily process of transformation. So my goal today is simply, to be a little more like Him than I was yesterday. Blessings!

  17. Thanks so much for your the insights you shared. All great points! I always admire women who are meek in the manner and speech. But God didn’t make me that way. And like you, my old self gets resurrected quite often. I appreciated your sense of humor with that quote. 🙂

    You are absolutely right, Jesus told us to learn from Him, His ways are easy. And that might look different for each woman, but still reflect Jesus back.

    Great post.

  18. I am so with you on the News and the facebook fake news. I have stopped watching news on television and now my husband has followed me. It leaves us without this depressing feeling we had been been getting regularly.

  19. Worrying about being like other Christian women leads me to doubt my own abilities and gifts. When I study the Bible I’m struck again and again by the differing talents, flaws and personalities I see in the pages. It I encouraging to know God uses all sorts!

  20. I have longed for the opposite! Oh, to be clever and quick witted – to speak my peace and not hold it in so much! But you are so right. It’s about growing into what Jesus calls us toward. It’s seeking to be more like Him everyday. Sometimes, it’s about honoring the way in which He wired us, though. Finding the balance in growth and acceptance is tricky, though, right?

    Loved my time here today, friend. It gave me much to think about! And thank you for sharing hope alongside me at #MomentsofHope this week!


  21. I think when people see Christ in us, that is what they admire, so we don’t have to strive to be cookie cutter Christians, but to be like Him. He made us and nothing about me surprises Him. Like Paul I can say by the grace of God I am what I am – malleable in His hands.

    Your neighbor at purposeful faith linkup

  22. YES YES YES – I was sad halfway through this because I thought you were stuck in the wanting to fit a mold way of thinking but then rejoiced when you got to the part about not asking to be made like a mold we may have been told to fit but to be more like Christ. I was once told by a pastor to “fit the mold” – ugh…it was such a destructive thing to say to a young bride and baby Christian. But God…yes God in HIS faithfulness brought me through. I am not going to fit a mold and in fact, God has told me He is calling me to be a freedom warrior – to help other women be set free so they can be fully themselves for His glory!

    1. Amen!!! Thank you for sharing your story!! It is so difficult when people make you feel you have to confirm to a standard God just didn’t set for us! He created us to be unique!!